A clean slate is something many seek to
attain, but many fail to achieve.
Remembering is easy. It's forgetting that's
hard.
Sometimes good memories are worse than
nightmares. They haunt you more. Because you know you cannot have or make those
memories back again. They keep you awake, or even if you manage to sleep, they
wake you up. They trouble you, because a part of you wants to relive them
again; but you also know, it is never ever going to happen again. Because magic
happens rarely!
Stored in the refrigerator of the mind and
the cupboard of the heart, memories though stale, seem afresh when you just
cannot forget them. That warm, familiar face that flashes time and again feels like
home, you can never visit again, unfortunately. When you pictured happiness to
be waking up in the middle of the night, shifting under the blankets and
feeling the heat of the person next to you; and what it turns out is - you still
wake up, drenched in sweat, when their memories haunt you and they are nowhere
next to you.
There are memories we choose to live with
all our lives. We know, they will do us no good, yet. Sometimes, we humans, cannot
ourselves comprehend why we choose to cause destruction to our own self.
You really can't simply erase memories from
your mind. For some reason, nothing works to keep them at bay. Maybe because of
the people involved in those memories and moments.
Memories warm you up from the inside. But
they also tear you apart. There are memories that time does not erase...
Forever does not make loss forgettable, it only makes it bearable. You get used
to your loss.
Memories are bullets. Some whiz by and only
spook you. Others tear you open and leave you in pieces.
I think there is always a little something
left behind, even in the worst relationships, that you long for every once and
a while. I read a quote somewhere that said: "even if he wasn't the best
for you forever, he was the best, the thing you needed at that exact moment in
time, even if just for a while." It's those moments that turn into the
haunting.
Everyone has at least ONE person they will
always miss, but it's kind of taboo to talk about it. As a writer, I feel my
role is not to say what we can all say, but what we are unable to say.
Pain changes you and you are no longer
interested to build any more 'good' memories with anyone, because you are too
scared of any happiness coming your way now. You are scared of welcoming anyone
new in your life and give them the opportunity to leave you in pieces again.
You got me hooked from the first line. Love!
ReplyDeleteAw. Delighted to know that, Lux! :) Hugs!
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