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A
strange fear grips me these days. It's related to relationships, commitments.
And then it takes me to such a point where I start finding cons in all my
relationships. Basically I start acting
timid.
When
people ditch each other, abandon each other, it grips me and frightens me. If
anybody asks me what is my secret fear, it is about getting abandoned by
someone I trust. I fear the emotional baggage that comes with relationships! Being
a cheerful girl, I fear of a trauma that might push me underground.
Everyone
fears from being rejected or left alone. And why not! After being hurt in a
past relationship, exploring a new one is simply uncertain and apprehensive.
While moving ahead towards a relationship, it is the fear that holds us back
from trying to pursue anything new, be it intimacy, change, commitment or
abandonment.
What
we don't realise is that the increasing fear prevents us from experiencing the
pleasures and stability of a genuine relationship. We all recognise the
slightly giddy feeling when someone special comes along. Will he stay? Or leave
me?
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When
a relationship does not work, people often lose faith over the concepts of
love, togetherness, and compromise. Trusting anyone after a bad experience
naturally becomes difficult.
Every
individual these days wants to secure his/her personal interests and well-being
before thinking of others. I fear my personal freedom being snatched away by
someone dominating! Sometimes, I feel committing to a relationship, is like
inviting trouble without any reason and giving an opportunity for the other
person to interfere in my way of living. Although I want to love and be loved, I also fear both.
Sometimes,
past or someone else's experiences program us to associate loving and being
loved with unpleasant experiences and especially with feelings of vulnerability.
Commitment phobia heals when you become strong enough to be true to yourself,
even in the face of another's anger, rejection, or loss.
I
fear the unknown. Bad on my part, being a romance writer! This is one thing, I
still need to overcome and build faith in the powers of the universe and most
importantly, myself! I think everyone has that one anxiety, one secret fear, a self delusion. What's
yours?
And lo you already know how much we are alike. I am scared too.. probably more often than you should be. For thing best left unsaid here, you know how tiring sometimes it can be to keep questioning yet, the euphoria when it hits is better than every other thing and that in itself makes you believe that you will tolerate endless number of such days merely because that one moment of feeling great defines our life in a way nothing else can. I wish the best of relationships to you and may be, one day we both can meet and talk of all our silly fears and the nonsense whims we so lovingly harbor inside us.
ReplyDeleteLove is a dangerous wave because as much as you will be scared of the waves breaking at the ocean shore, we crave the highs as well :) I would say take a chance before time runs out because even when it doesn't ends, the way we want. it ends up with some of the best memories no one can take away from you <3
We indeed are very alike, Shruti! I can understand! :) ;)
DeletePerfectly said, 'those' moments, even though few, make the rough ride of a relationship worth a smile! Memories are like threads of gold! Always to be preserved! :)
Thank you for your wishes! And I really hope, girl, I see you one day and we share a cup of coffee over everything random in life :D
Though I am not much of an expert but yet it is always better to give a dive and face the consequences than standing still and let the wave pass.
ReplyDeleteNonetheless a feel good post :)
Yes, RJ! We cannot keep away from playing for the fear of losing! Who knows, we might just win :)
DeleteThanks for visiting! :)
Been in that mode for a couple of years post the break up. Guess, its quite normal when a relationship doesn't work and it makes u wary to face the same thing. But, then, we need to have a fresh perspective.
ReplyDeleteInteresting take and agree with ur points.
Oh! These phases only make you stronger, though a bit skeptical too! And one day, we suddenly feel so content about just everything!
DeleteThank you for putting your points forth, Vishal! :)