Book Review #137 : yesterday i was the moon

It's been quite the minute since I last read a poetry collection, so when my eyes landed on this book on Amazon - I was beyond keen on diving in.

‘yesterday i was the moon’ is a collection of poetry by noor unnahar - it explores courage, self-love, culture and the struggles of making peace with your heart and art. it contains black & white photographs paired with poetry pieces; giving it a photo diary feels. 

I think I'll be revisiting this book again, it's so beautifully written. I least expected this but each & every line was soul-touching. I'd recommend this to anyone who is remotely interested in reading poetry, it's strange to see that the book is not hugely recognized, but it doesn't matter, as long as it touches the hearts of people it comes to hold off. 

The book does not revolve around a particular theme, rather it covers the art, home, society, courage, strength, acceptance and culture. This is written with emotion, honesty and poignancy. 

However, the book has more drawings in it than any other poetry book that I have read till date, which means it is very short on content. It’s only 160 pages and has drawings on every 3rd page (which makes it more personal, and almost like a journal). BUTTTTT, I wanted more content. 

Reading Noor's words, you can smell the scent of love, passion, anger, and truth on every page. Her poems will speak to your soul like they were written for you. 

Ratings: 4.5/5 (I craved more poetry!)

A Work In Progress!

We were supposed to have it all figured out by now, weren’t we?

We were supposed to know exactly what we wanted and exactly how to get it by now, isn’t that what we were told about being an adult? And then life happened.

As we got older we slowly realized that 95% of what we thought we were supposed to have figured out by now wasn’t anything close to what life is really about. Because the lives we are living are not finite. They are not written in stone. They are not stagnant. They are not about breaking through a certain threshold.

Our lives are one massive, gigantic, and sometimes overwhelming work in progress. There will never come a time when we are complete and finished human beings because the state of being complete and finished is the antithesis of what being human is all about.

Life is malleable. It is constantly throwing new things our way. Life is more a continuous learning experience than anything else. And, this is the way life will always be.

But this is not about how nothing is ever good enough or things are never finished. Products are finished. Books are finished. That project at work that everyone hated was finished. 

There will never be a time in this life where everything makes complete sense. There will never be a time in this life where we won’t struggle at least a little bit. There will never be a time in this life where we are finished working on ourselves. There will never be a time in this life where we have everything figured out. These things will never come to pass because existing consciously necessitates work.

There will always be things that we can get better at. There will always be things that challenge us. There will always be mistakes that we want to correct.

Though the idea of every person on this earth being a continual work in progress may seem daunting, it’s important to understand that this will always be the case. There is no finished state to a human being. And it is the act of understanding this reality that keeps us open to life and the possibilities that come from accepting the nature of being human.

The second we feel like we have everything figured out is the second that we no longer give life the chance to change our minds or enlighten us. The second we feel like we are no longer a work in progress is the second we stop making progress.

And the most progress is often made when we are among our hopes and dreams and side projects and things that inspire us and things we want to change for the better. It is among these things where life exists in its purest form. And it is among these things where we usually realize we are a work in progress and we will always be a work in progress.

As unsettling as this idea might be, it is surely one of life’s most important challenges to understand that everything about who we are is not finite and will continue to evolve and grow as time continues to pass. It would probably be a much easier existence if this wasn’t the case, but the world would be substantially worse off if our lives weren’t a continual work in progress.

My Advice To Indian Teenage Girls!

I wish I knew some of these things in my teens or early twenties, my life would have been completely different. It takes a great deal of understanding to assimilate this post. I hope it helps!

1. Don't be like men. You are different. You are unique. You are a female and there is a difference. What do you do when you see pigs lying in the gutter? Will you go lie with them or you clean the place and make it habitable for the rest of you? Trying to imitate men in the name of equality is not a way to be.

2. If you want to, imitate good men, men that are a good mix of masculine and feminine, men that you want to be the father of your kids. Would you be proud of a father who drinks, smokes, is always concerned about his looks, men who belittle other men, is critical of everything and is financially irresponsible or too much into money, career, competition etc. Don't be like men, be a woman which men want to be like, who is a safe place for men to come to when they are done fighting their battles, women whom even men look up to.

3. Ladies, learn to distinguish between different kinds of attention. You don't want to be someone's past time, you should be someone people show reverence for. When they see you, they are filled with love and respect. They want their daughters to be like you. They want to have you not just in their beds but in their homes, in their hearts, in their life forever. 

4. As a woman, do not pull others down on your way up. When you reach to the top, give your hand to pull other women up. A community of empowered women is much needed to raise the collective consciousness of the society as a whole. Every time you belittle a woman, you expose an insecure part of yourself, learn to work on it.

5. A major reason for attracting toxic partners and tolerate shit is your deep seated insecurities. Your self worth should not depend on how beautiful and successful you are, how many men find you beautiful, how popular you are. Just your existence is worth a million bucks, you don't need to be “something” to be worthy of love and respect. Do not tolerate disrespect, abuse, toxicity to compensate for your imagined shortcomings.

6. Acknowledge the quiet guy sitting in the corner who you think is boring and under confident. He could be the one for you, give him a chance. Try to communicate with all kinds of people, know them, first impression is often the wrong impression.

7. Shed all the concepts that the society taught you. Unlearn. One of which is a concept of “independence”. No one is completely independent, we are all inter-dependent on each other. Having an income is great but don't try to do anything and everything all by yourself, it is exhausting, ask for help whenever you need. Feeling unsafe? Ask your brother to drop you, want to lift an heavy object? Ask your husband, men opening doors for you? Appreciate. Asking for help will not take away your independence. Similarly, don't misuse your financial independence as an excuse to feel superior, being rebellious, immature and outspoken. Learn to use your intuition and wisdom in every situation. Learn balance of everything!

8. Don't tolerate mediocre things in life. Recognize the divinity within you. It has nothing to with size, color of your skin, clothes you wear, feminine is innate to our existence, our bodies are perfect ground for seeds of femininity to sprout, when in tune with our divinity, we are more at peace, more patient, more grounded, sensual, full of love, compassion, empathy. People can't help getting drawn towards us. No, it is not submission, not helplessness, not cowardice rather opposite, it is empowering, it is liberating, it is fearless way of living.

9. When in self doubt, look into the mirror and for once just once try to look beyond the physical, beyond your thin hairs and thick nose, beyond your saggy skin and bat wings, beyond your love handles and thunder thighs. Beyond the superficial color your skin, you are a divine being radiating colorful lights, encompassing the entire universe within you. You are just that, nothing less. See it, embrace it. Be it. 

Love. 

Haiku #26 ~ Book Pages

HAIKU : A poetry form, with three lines. The first being 5 syllables, the second 7, then 5 in the third.

Tent of flipping book pages,

Port both my tiny and vast self -

To a new world altogether!

Haiku #25 ~ Life

HAIKU : A poetry form, with three lines. The first being 5 syllables, the second 7, then 5 in the third.

Long life or short life,

Each one of us is dying eventually,

So don't waste your time!

Haiku #24 ~ Ph.D

HAIKU : A poetry form, with three lines. The first being 5 syllables, the second 7, then 5 in the third.

The first months are hard,

As time passes, the growth becomes visible,

Then the results shine out. 

Haiku #23 ~ Spring

HAIKU : A poetry form, with three lines. The first being 5 syllables, the second 7, then 5 in the third.

Sun warming the brown soil,

Branches, buds and leaves tinged with green,

A promise that spring brings!

Haiku #22 ~ The Bare Tree

HAIKU : A poetry form, with three lines. The first being 5 syllables, the second 7, then 5 in the third.

                                        Leaves with specs of gold,

Gently fall and dance above the earth,

The tree is bare now. 

Haiku #21 ~ Autumn Leaves

HAIKU : A poetry form, with three lines. The first being 5 syllables, the second 7, then 5 in the third.

"Bursting in bright yellow hues,

Splashing colors all around the park benches,

The autumn leaves must fall."

Haiku #20 ~ Proof

HAIKU : A poetry form, with three lines. The first being 5 syllables, the second 7, then 5 in the third.

Footprints of logic I see,

Showing how and where one truth leads,

Another one follows in league. 

14th June 2020 was the day when many of us were shocked with the news of ‘suicide’ of Bollywood Actor “Sushant Singh Rajput”. The news came as a form of suicide however the way authorities including media started giving the information gave a way to think most of us that if it was a ‘Real suicide’ or just a high profile ‘Planned murder’. His death is found to be suspicious for several reasons. 

This post is for #JusticeForSSR #CBIProbe

Haiku #19 ~ Winter Sunset

HAIKU : A poetry form, with three lines. The first being 5 syllables, the second 7, then 5 in the third.

Late winter sunset it is,

River - frozen, still, a ribbon of ice,

Sun paints a purple path. 

Haiku #18 ~ Self Love

HAIKU : A poetry form, with three lines. The first being 5 syllables, the second 7, then 5 in the third.

To give love can cause -

pain - if there is no self love.

First, you must love you!

Haiku #17 ~ Surface

HAIKU : A poetry form, with three lines. The first being 5 syllables, the second 7, then 5 in the third.

Beauty thorn of a rose,

surface deep to cause you sharp pain,

beauty blinds the eyes, mostly.

Caffeinated Musings!

This post is my passion for coffee, in singing poetic praises for it. Napoleon called it “the intellectual drink” and La Roque “the King of Perfumes.”

I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out from my window at the beautiful garden below, and I go, 'Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.' Coffee makes me pause, sit & reflect on things around. The smell of fresh-made coffee or coffee brewing is one of the world's greatest inventions!

I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of a cup of frothy coffee. I’d wear coffee as a perfume, if it was possible. Caffeine is like the other Vitamin C, for me. I love waking up early simply because it is a way of stealing time which should by rights belong to your own self. It is a lovely excuse I have to consume this hot, steamy, delicious, comforting beverage! Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup or at least gives me the strength to do so. 

That obnoxious first sip is the sip I can't wait for. That first sip is what perks up my eyes and makes me realize that maybe the world doesn't suck as much as I think it does. Coffee is love. Coffee is life. 

Book Review #136: The Second Life : An Anthology of 25 Life Changing Stories

Paperback: 224 pages

Publisher: Write India Publishers; first edition (10 October 2014)

Language: English

An awesome compilation of unique stories and they titled it so apt as 'The Second Life'. Take my words some characters of the stories will not leave you forever. All the writers have given their best work here, you will echo my views when you read the stories. I have a story named 'In The Classroom of Life' too. Here is the list of story names and their authors. 

Each story has its own flavour. While some are as sweet as a cold breeze, a few are upbeat and thought provoking. It is a highly recommended book with the right ingredients for everyone.

It's a collection of beautiful heart touching stories that can change even the reader's perspective about life. Only few books have this power, and this is one of them.

A particular story that stood out to me and stirred my soul was 'The Hug of Allah and Ishwar'. It left me wondering about the hypocrisy we live in. The religion that teaches us the way to ultimate peace, we use the same religion as a reason to kill. Shameful.

An inspiring book you must get. A worthy gift you can give to anyone. 

Ratings: 5/5

Ph.D : An Academic Adventure Of A Lifetime!

The PhD-as-journey becomes a way of telling self and others the story of the PhD process and the various experiences, emotions, and challenges that come along the way. The notion of the journey sums up the sense of movement, personal growth and change! Here are my learnings/observations and narrations of the ups and downs of my journey until now:

1. Patience & ability to deal with pressure

PhD can be really frustrating and there may be times you would feel like just giving up. Even though you may have completed the work from your end there are so many other factors that influence your progress. That is why you need patience and lots of it-

• The supervisor might not be available, dates for presentations, meetings might be difficult to secure. Comments from advisors could take too long or they could join some other institute mid-way.
• If you are getting the results and publications in time (what you and your supervisor have planned), then you are in a good phase of the Ph.D. And, here is your chance to make best out of it. However, for some reasons, if you are lagging then again pressure builds.
• Papers you send for publications could sometimes take months. It could be an endless process of rejections, reviews and revisions before you can finally get published.
• Getting married while doing PhD is not easy with the lack of time and less money from stipend. All this while your friends who could be graduates have good jobs and have been promoted and even have kids.
• Dealing with the pressure that comes with family and relatives constantly asking you about when are you completing your PhD.
• Holidays are rare and even then you might have to work. The only time you really get to travel is during conferences. Even that is impossible now due to Covid-19 situation.
• You might be a teaching assistant or taking classes or organizing conferences or doing some other work which will take up more of your time.

Basically, doing Ph.D. is an art of handling the pressure, and if you are good in that, then you will find less frustration. However, if you're unable to handle the load, then you will learn it during the Ph.D. And, undoubtedly, you will master the things (like pressure handling to minimize the frustration level) that can help you to grow your career. There is plenty of time to learn, improve and emerge. 

2. Drive + Humility + Hard work

It could take you anywhere between 3 to 6 years to complete your PhD. If you are not driven, it could be easy to slip into lethargy and depression as you counter setbacks on the way. You might waste valuable energy and lose focus. Treat every setback as a bump in the road.

The transition from student to scholar is the primary task of a doctoral journey. It involves learning how to (a) read and critically interpret the original works of important theorists and researchers contained in the literature of your field, (b) design and conduct research projects of your own (such as the dissertation), and (c) write in a style and voice acceptable to other scholars. 

So while you need to be driven to progress forward, you also need to be patient knowing it would still take time. This combination of drive-patience quality is tough but so important to achieve.

3. People skills

Although a lot of your PhD work involves you working alone in your lab or cubicle or home, it also involves interaction and working with others.

The most important is your relation with your supervisor. A supervisor might be kind and helpful but might not have enough knowledge in your area to help you a lot. Or your supervisor might be a genius and very knowledgeable but might have a nature that makes it difficult to work with them. It is up to you to figure out the best way to work with them as everyone has a different kind of personality and this relationship lasts for years and involves constantly working with them.

Besides your supervisor, there are also committee members with whom you may need to interact at times. Networking is important as you might need to take help from other colleagues, juniors or seniors for your PhD work or for collaborating to publish a paper together.

So although it is your PhD - that of an individual, it is never achieved without the involvement of a lot of different people and that is why people skills are necessary- knowing how to work and what works best with them.

4. (Mis)Using the freedom

The nicest part of a PhD is the freedom. The worst part is the freedom. Understand this! You have to be wise with how you use your time and make the most of the opportunity to study and research something you’re passionate about. A PhD student who understands this difference separates himself/herself from the rest automatically!

P.S: 

1. There are days when you don't understand something or you don't get desired results in this journey. Similarly, there are days when you might get scolded for no fault of yours. All these things are frustrating but if you were to look at it, these things happen in almost any career. 

2. Ph.D is an endurance test. So, even with all these aspects, enjoying the doctorate journey is what matters the most. It will have its share of ups and downs. How you handle them will determine whether you succeed or fail in your quest.

What Makes A Relationship Last Long?

1. The ability to compromise is important for success in many aspects of life; your romantic relationship will also thrive when you've both have honed your ability to give and take. A long lasting relationship requires flexible individuals who are willing to give a little (and sometimes a lot) to ensure mutual happiness. If you and your partner are good at finding solutions that make you both happy, it's a good indicator that you'll be successful in the future.
2. Couples that have similar values & share a common sense of curiosity are a lot more likely to make it long-term just as are couples that share similar goals!
3. Your arguments should actually bring you closer. You HAVE TO communicate to each other with kind words. Never don't hold grudges once you're done fighting.
4. When you’re not insecure about each other’s successes & support each other's goals.
5. When you forgive each others’ bad days. Have a short memory and a lot of forgiveness. Prioritize your partner over anything else.
6. When you have bad news, your spouse is the first person you want to tell -- not the person you most dread telling. Daily connection time is a MUST have!
7. To keep your relationship brimming, with love, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. You still like them when you're angry.
8. Take that EXTRA effort equally.
9. When you challenge your old taught habits which might be snobbish like fighting over unmade bed, wet towels thrown carelessly on bed, etc. It’s not about being a neat freak, but c’mon, some things can be learnt & changed!
10. When you trust each other at all cost.

9 Things Every Girl Should Know Early On In Life!

1. About taxes, savings, and being independent
2. Basic cooking
3. How to take one’s mental health seriously
4. Spare some ME time!
5. Never change for someone until you no longer recognize yourself
6. Take care of your skin since a young age, your skin will thank you later!
7. Never settle just because you are a certain age..
8. Know the difference between a man who flatters you, compliments you and the man who spends money on you, who invests in you. Know the difference between a man who views you as a property and a man who views you properly, a man who lusts after you and a man who loves you, be with a man who believes you are a gift to him!
9. Accept yourself, the way you are. Love yourself, unapologetically!

Lesser Known Facts About The Author Of This Blog!

1. I hate the sight of crumpled bed sheet. I kind of have an OCD of always having things in place. I HAVE to make my bed right after I wake up. Plus point? You will always find things around me in place, all neat!
2. I can put my heart and soul if I want to learn anything.
3. I give 100% in maintaining my relationships. If something doesn't go well I tell myself that I shouldn't blame the other person but instead try to put on more effort.
4. I still have hand written notes from Engineering days (which was like 10 years ago!)
5. I love collecting books (I receive so many from authors for review purpose!). I am very selfish when it comes to lending my books to anyone as I don’t trust anyone taking care of them like I do. They are a part of my emotions.
6. I was always very good in academics.
7. I don't watch television and no saas bahu kinda serials for me.
8. I am a BIGGGG coffee lover (frothy one) & I hate mutton.
9. I can get a thread in needle within seconds.
10. I love giving surprises to people I love.
11. I enjoy being alone, I love my ‘me’ time, I never feel lonely.
12. I love chandeliers.
13. In the world of messages and e-mails, I love to write cards, love notes and letters. I’m very old school.
14. I am very good with money management, you’ll never find me wasting my money on useless things.
15. I am a hopeless romantic.
16. I love to dress up.
17. I love eating milk powders, all of those baby food (cerelac) and chocolate health drink powders. I put a spoonful of it in my mouth and devour it with great delight.
18. I don't like having pets.
19. I like writing.
20. I don't like to waste food.
21. I don't like mehman nawazi, I need things simple and normal. If you host me, best thing you can do is keep things simple, simple food and no extraaa hospitality.
22. I don't like people who show off / put others down.
23. I like the smell of old books & coffee brewing.
24. I am witty.
25. My favorite dessert is Choco Lava cake from Dominos.

Gold Diggers

Well, gold diggers seem to be everywhere at the moment, in large numbers in men and women both. People want to be financially stable and to be able to afford the nice things in life. Frankly, some people (can be men & women both) are unlikely to achieve that through their own work/potential. Such men marry women for dowry and other such demands/luxuries, and such women be gold diggers and marry only for money.

And it was in the past that it was accepted as a woman's duty to make a good marriage, cook etc. Now it’s time for equal roles. I find myself wondering often, what is the difference between being a Cinderella and gold digging? Where do you draw the line?

The simple answer, of course is that, in these days of equality, women no longer need to marry into money - most of us can make our own. Women are ambitious nowadays. As a matter of fact, millennial men are gold diggers. Society is less likely to scrutinize males who partake in this trend when compared to women.

And often, I see the woman who leaves her job to make a family, while the man goes out to work and achieve his career goals.

I agree there are “irresponsible” women who are married off to rich guys in trade of their good looks/white skin/bad marks. But here- there are men too who accept gori chamdi as a beautiful (read: trophy wife) wife!

I feel we all need to answer this to ourselves: If your spouse was to go broke today, would you stay with him/her?

Of course, no one wants to be in this predicament but sometimes shit just happens. Are you the wife/husband that will hold things down till he/she picks things back? If you answered, “yes,” then you are more of a financial planner and less of a goal digger!

A gold digger looks at her man/ women as an endorsement deal. As long as he/she keeps her/him in the finest things and keeps the money flowing, she/he will stick around. But when that money is gone, so is your trophy wife/rich husband.

Bollywood Song That Talks Of Self-Respect & Self-Love To Me!

“Kinaare” from QUEEN movie.

This song embodies the theme of the movie, independence and self identity; It compares its quest to the search of shores for someone who is drowning mid sea. It crescendos perfectly in the 5th para with the realization that —

“Khud hi To hain hum… Kinaare (We ourselves are our, Shores)”.

Even if all the boatmen leave us,

Then, we will become oars ourselves,

and cross (the ocean) on our own..

Why others, we’ll ask ourselves,

The paths to follow,

Somewhere here in the waves,

We will find… (Shores)

Self-sufficiency gives one the freedom to discover one's true self and attain true independence. To be happy in one’s own company is the greatest nirvana attained!

By beginning to create boundaries for yourself - it that show others that you have self-respect. Release people from your life who don't honor your boundaries. Have confidence in yourself and live with grace, honor, and dignity!

Two Best Reasons To Wake Up Early!

1. Better concentration & enhanced productivity: Brains tend to be most alert in the morning. Starting your day early improves your concentration. In addition to being able to focus on goals and task lists without being interrupted by family members or coworkers, getting up early means that by the time you get to work or school, you’ve had (EXTRA) hours to properly acclimate yourself to the day.

2. You have more time on your hands! So, the way we rush for everything is insane! We rush to jump buses, trains, rush to work, rush breakfast. It is always a rat race. Waking up early makes it very easy to plan your life. I mean, while the world is rushing to make breakfast, you are already done with that and at a much more relaxed pace too. You’ll be more alert during peak hours, as a result, you’ll get more done!

A Cappuccino & Books Kinda Mood!

A book and a cup of coffee: two of the most comforting things in our modern lives. As the poet R.M. Engelhardt once wrote, “A smoke, a book, a cup of coffee. These are the little things that get us through this sometimes weary world and all the rainy days.”

I have a special love of books and coffee, the two pairing perfectly together. Coffee can be a pick-me-up to a dreary day; so can a book. Coffee can be the jolt you need to start on a new project; so can a book. The memory of a good cup of coffee will stay with you long after you’ve consumed it, and the same goes for a good book. I think the special connection between books and coffee is simple: ideas!!!

There is a connection between coffee and books that goes beyond the feeling of coziness induced when we wrap one hand around a warm mug and use the other hand to turn the pages of whatever we are reading. Books often serve a similar purpose, allowing us to detach from the world around us and dive into a new one. In that way, books can be our solace, and they require our undivided attention.

Reading “is a soothing experience.” Books require our focus, and coffee aids in that process; together, the two force us to slow down. And THAT is exactly my mood today- dive into a book, SLOW DOWN a bit & spend carefree hours reading with a cup of warm frothy coffee. :)

Book Review #135: The Naughty Proposal

Title: The Naughty Proposal
Author: Shanaya Taneja
Publisher: Shristi
Genre: Fiction
Total pages: 90

The book is an erotica. It revolves around four people Tara, Sneha, Dheeraj, Abhimanyu looking for some excitement in life without falling in trap of unnecessary love affairs. It is a small story which ends with a tricky suspense.

Some part that I didn't like was that story was incomplete, did not address one or two of the character well. Did not tell about how Tara and Abhimanyu knew each other, since how long were they in a relationship. The suspense was not disclosed well, only a few hints were dropped along the story.

While the storyline has elaborated and detailed erotica passages, the story is dull. Characters are built by specifying their personalities multiple times, instead of giving some background. No background, just forced character building.

The unexpected part was the twist at the end. Sometimes, being cautious and understanding the complete picture is better than giving in to the lure of mystery and novel temptation is the moral of the story. It is a definitely an adultery novel with a lot of detailed sex descriptions.

Coming on to the storyline. Except the climax parts, nothing was there that could hook you till the very end. There were some really good erotic scenes between Tara and Dheeraj, but when we talk about characterization, author totally forgot to work on it. It’s a pretty short book, but fast paced and you can enjoy it on a short journey or on lazy weekends, don’t expect anything exceptional, just wait till the climax. Language is very simple and you can easily connect with the characters. You get the feeling of watching a Bollywood movie.

The primary focus of story is on need(s); need for love and need for money. Weirdly this tries to portray all rich people as nice and craving for love; and all middle-class people using rich people for money.

Verdict: Ending could have been more descriptive. For me – I ended up feeling incomplete and ditched just like some of the characters in the book.

Ratings: 3/5

Why I Don't Wear Makeup Anymore!

Well, up until 2018, I used to love wearing makeup. But, that was a way of concealing my acne marks & a curiosity to try new makeup that my favorite influencer then promoted! Lol.

Mid 2018, I started taking care of my skin! Skin is your body's largest organ. It serves as a protective barrier between your insides and the rest of the world. I learnt, proper skin care is vital. It's about staying healthy. Taking care of your skin is not something you do ‘now and then’, but on a daily basis! How your skin will look in ten or twenty years, depends on the way you care for it now.

Skin is constantly growing and changing, so you have to remain vigilant in caring for it. Keep your skin hydrated by drinking plenty of water throughout the day and try maintaining a balanced diet. Always make sure to use sunblock if you're going to spend time outside. Once your skin is crystal clear, you’ll realize you no longer need more than maybe - a mascara and a lipstick. That’s all I use NOW. 

Makeup can only enhance your appearance. But good skin care can make you feel good even from within. Plus, when I don’t have a zillion step makeup routine, it takes me less time to get ready for work in the mornings. Also, you can’t rinse your face so often – in summer, in the sun, because of the heat the skin needs to breathe more and with makeup it can’t. You can’t rub your eyes- or else you know - Panda eyes!

Even for my wedding, I was adamant that I wanted to look like me — not some idealized version of myself that I’d be unable to maintain indefinitely. My partner was not marrying some “new and improved,” dyed, painted, or slimmer version of me, after all. I did wear makeup, but just as much as I would still look & feel like myself. 

While I do feel more polished wearing some cosmetic covering, I also see the potential within myself of not being able to face the world with my bare face. I remember days when I worked back then - I would follow each step from primer to lipstick & then makeup fixer, just to hide my acne scars. I didn’t want to become dependent on makeup. I don’t ever want to feel naked or unattractive without it.

I think that makeup can be a tool of misogyny. When it is not used from a perspective of self-love, makeup can breed bouts of self-hatred in women — or at least dissatisfaction. Makeup made me look for my face’s flaws rather than accepting my face as it is. I started to wonder what else / which products I need to improve or cover up with this or that color. Are my lips well enough defined? Do my cheeks have the right hue? Is my complexion all right?

We tell women that they’re beautiful and that they should love themselves. We tell little girls to have self-confidence and that they can be anything they want to be. But then, and often with the same breath, we suggest they can be beautiful (or confident) only when they are not quite themselves. We sell women (both young and old) products to “fix” or “improve” their appearance — wrinkle removers, concealers, eyelash enhancers, and other colorful cover-ups. We do. 

My final wish is - our society views makeup as an optional accessory as opposed to the required response to any perceived deficiency. I am a woman capable of self-confidence and self-love, and I no longer allow my face to feel like a façade.

“GROWING” in a relationship!

For me, “growing” in a relationship means the following:

• Your partner begins to see you more positively than you see yourself. You might be insecure about a feature or two about you, but they find you attractive always. They encourage you to be yourself.
• Your partner's good habits rub off on you—including health, finance, lifestyle, or psychological habits.
• Your relationship provides practical and emotional support that allows you to pursue your personal goals.
• You begin to persist hard things & difficult situations in life together - as two mature people. Such things grow you together and not apart.
• Your relationship helps you learn to trust that another person is dependable and emotionally available to you.
• When tiny things don’t hurt and resentments don’t creep up on you both - when there are no unspoken, unconscious issues present or overlooked in your relationship.
• When you have the best communication, you speak and listen to one another with intense presence, honesty, patience, and compassion.
• When there’s no comparison of what jobs people have, their homes, their clothes. When you don’t look to see what the grass looks like on the other side. You’re happy with the view out your own front door and you cherish that.
• One of the most important sentiments of human love is intimacy, that means, "in-to-me-see." Desire serves as the connection between love and sex that gets liveliness and spontaneity in your lives and in the relationship. Love is the best aphrodisiac.
• When playfulness, creativity, and commitment help you maintain your freedom that lets you breathe while also remaining deeply connected to your partner.
• When you do not let small anger accumulate & sort things before you call it a day.
• When you work together for a better life and repeat how grateful you’re for having each other around.
• When you share curiosity for same things & sometimes take an interest in what interests the other person too.
• When you go the extra mile for them, relationships cannot be 50–50 all the time. It has to be unconditional at times.

Why are relationships so demanding?

Relationships are demanding. Because :

1. EXPECTATIONS: Most people have unrealistic expectations from their relationship & are not ready to work on it when they see the red flags.

2. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT: When conflicts arise, people are less curious to listen to the other side’s concerns & learn from each other, rather they just want to win and prove they’re right.

3. SELF AWARENESS: The only way out of mutual wounding is to develop self-awareness, examine our childhood/teenage histories and the wounds they created, build tolerance, learn the language of effective communication. This process is empowering & liberating. Unintentionally we make our partner suffer for our past bad experiences.

4. 24/7 ROMANCE BUBBLE: Accept that it won’t be all romance and flowers — and enjoy the special moments you have.

5. TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED: Once we feel comfortable in a relationship, we have a tendency to take everything for granted. We forget to do what it takes to express gratefulness and keep lovely moments fresh.

6. STAYING ON THE SAME PAGE: It can be hard to be on the same page at the same time. Communicate! This will help tremendously in the long run.

4 Super Useful Things I Suggest You Do - That Need 30 Seconds Or Less!

There are so many things that need 30 seconds or even less. Here are a few, I would suggest! :)

1. Boost Your Confidence and Reduce Stress (POWER POSE!): Find a quiet place. Stand up straight and lift your chin. Keep a straight posture and a superhero stance. This releases confidence-boosting testosterone instantly! You can try doing this prior to an interview or public speech. Or it can simple be used to help with stress!

2. Micro-meditate: Take that tiny bit of time, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to build mindfulness in this digital age. This helps in clearing your head, especially when you’re in the middle of the day & feeling anxious.

3. Stretch: 30 seconds is pretty much the perfect amount of time to hold a stretch! It is relaxing, soothing and makes you flexible!

4. Pay your online bill(s): It only takes a few seconds to fill up your card details and pay up. It decreases your debt/pending payments. It's great adulting! ;)

Book Review #134 : Dented & Painted

The anthology “Dented & Painted” comprises of 23 remarkable short stories. The cover of the collection is beautiful and attractive. The collection is penned down by author Tirupathi Khemka. This book is a must read for all humans due to the depleting mentality of our society. Harsh reality is portrayed that shows you the mirror unto society. 

Dented & Painted is appalling in its tone and subject. The stories begin with the opening lines in italics which store in them the essence of the whole story and ends with question marks that leave your mind ticking. These life changing stories shake the insides of your soul. It deals with some of the highly sensitive issues prevailing in our society at large. Each story is instilled with sheer pain, misery & struggle. The complexities of women’s life, how they are tortured, subdued, and tormented, and how they fight back are narrated by the author. The language is bold and comprehensive. On the whole, the collection is nicely compiled and stories are engrossing and have a power that grips you from within. As you continue reading these stories, you develop a strong sense of connection with the theme of feminism. The author has poured his heart into these stories. 

‘Male chauvinist pigs’ are well-exposed. The mind-blowing stories are an eye-opener and make you question so many things. The narrative is quite strong and details are well written. Sometimes the pace gets fast, though the emotions are well maintained. True reality is pictured which pinches you somewhere, depicting the cruelty of patriarchal society in which we continue to live. The stories expose a wide horizon of themes from prostitution to rapes, women as victims to women as fighters, the sufferings of women to struggles of women, women as creators to the women as destructors, the divine to the not so divine women, and many more. I can't get a few stories out of my mind; they were very impactful. I felt proud of a few ladies, yet felt sad for some. 

Dented & Painted is a complete page turner. It leaves your eyes moist with tears and you feel how crippled you have become by letting others dominate you and decide things for you. The author has made very interesting and keen observations before penning down each one of these wonderful pieces of writing. Kudos to him for his brilliant attempt! He proved the power of pen and the wonders that it can do. 

Ratings: 4.5/5

Give Her A Break! #HappyMothersDay

When I say that I need a break, I'm not talking about wanting a vacation or a treat as a reward for doing my job. Needing a break doesn't mean that I'm seeking a respite from my responsibilities or that I want to put my feet up. It means that I need a moment to feel like a human being in the midst of a relentless life where I don't belong to myself anymore; where I give my love and energy away, every moment of my existence, and can't figure out how to keep any for myself. I just need a few minutes to not be on edge, working my nerves and spirits raw for the safety and happiness and health of my kids. I just need a moment to remember who I am, to not feel worried and harried and invisible. I need a second to catch my breath, to make my own choices, to try to love myself, for a moment. My breaks might allow me to think my own thoughts for a few moments.

- A Mother

Motherhood is challenging. We love you, Moms. We do. And, thank you. For EVERYTHING. #HappyMothersDay

10 Lessons I Learnt From The Lock-down & Covid-19 Pandemic!

The first few days of the lock down were enjoyable, but as days went by, I’ve been feeling different degrees of anxiety, restlessness and despair. The prolonged lock down has been impacting our mental well-being in the face of a seemingly invisible pandemic. I’ve personally been disoriented, but here’s what I’ve learnt out of it:

1. The Art of Delegating & Prioritizing Tasks on a daily basis! This is a skill that I believe everyone should master. The problem is that many of us are trying to micromanage tasks and the people around us. But, micromanaging drains all your mental energy on tasks that don’t matter. By learning to delegate, you can free up your time and mental space for important tasks. Many of us lack the skill to prioritize. But, I learnt this art to increase productivity and output. I believe that the biggest reason why people fail at prioritizing tasks is that they lack daily planning. This is one thing I learnt in 2020 - plan daily, strike off tasks. Some days I do suck at it and am the most unproductive, but mostly I do try & accomplish what I have planned to do in a day. These skills were important to learn - as I am no longer all here & there in my head about finishing things and I exactly know what task is for which day.
2. Have a structure for your day in place. By this, I don’t mean you’ve got to be productive all the time. NO. But knowing the tasks and activities to be done sorts your head-space. It protects you against too much idle time, boredom, and feeling trapped within your own home.
3. Fear helps us to protect ourselves from threat or danger, and we’re facing a global pandemic. Fear is a natural and adaptive response, but do take breaks from fear triggers.
4. Balance your thinking & negative thoughts. Focus on the facts and let go of what you don’t know.
5. Be critical of your news consumption. This situation has made many of us obsessed with watching news & disease stats every now and then. Know that, less news intake is a whole lot more. Staying up to date is important, but getting too caught up in the media reports can be a trap. Misrepresented facts may actually increase anxiety.
6. Let’s be action oriented. There can be a rise in addictions, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, depression, loss of identity and function, and relationship difficulties. Prioritize your mental health, read and indulge in activities that help you release stress.
7. A LOT can be done from home. Until a couple of weeks ago, working from home did not even seem like an option to most people. Until there was no other choice. And then it occurred to us, how almost everything that we did in the office can be done at home.
8. Buying less is possible. Save more. Lock down has posed a threat to many people’s salaries and work security. I suddenly realized I just stopped spending money unnecessarily on Nykaa, Amazon, etc. Lock down made it easier to tell the difference between the things I WANT and the things I NEED. Also given the oncoming recession, it is important to not spend on unimportant items.
9. I learnt professional skills & upskilled myself. Organizations like Coursera have been offering several free certification courses to people during the lockdown period. Make the most of them.
10. I learnt the ability to appreciate true sense of freedom. When news about the lock down in Wuhan started circulating in January, the measures taken by the Chinese government seemed draconian. It seemed impossible that these rules would soon apply to all of us, here in India! This unprecedented state has made us appreciate all of the little things that made up our lives before all this started. We were free to get a haircut, go to the gym, buy groceries & much more. We were free to buy coffee made by a stranger. We were free to visit our family and see our friends whenever we pleased. This lock down has taught me how valuable and indispensable this personal autonomy is.

Stay grounded in the present, and reach out to others when needed. The world as we know it will never be the same, and I hope neither will we. If we are privileged enough to survive this, let’s hope we break from the past and enter the world anew, carrying a fresh perspective and a greater sense of appreciation, for everything we have.

Book Review #133 : Good Vibes, Good Life

Want to better yourself? This book will help you get there!

Firstly, I was taken aback by the simple but truly pleasing design and aesthetics of the book - it looks so beautiful sitting on my study desk!

Good Vibes, Good Life by Vex King is a Self Help book in which the author talks about very important things like self-love, humility, failure, meditation, empowering thoughts and living a greater life. There are so many references to other books and scientific principles which makes me believe that all the things which are being talked about are well researched. There are so many things in this book which a person might already know but has perhaps forgotten about. There are numerous life lessons which have the potential to change a person's life.

The book is primarily based on the Law of Vibration which affects our entire being. When paid attention to and used for good, it helps a person to achieve success, peace and happiness. I really liked the fact that so many other aspects of life such as fear, anxiety and negativity in general are being dealt with in the book and practical solutions are being provided to deal with them. I also liked the fact that the author has not belittled the impact of these things but has rather discussed the situations which he faced in his life and how he dealt with them. Life is not painted as picture perfect heavenly ride but numerous solutions are provided to deal with difficult situations which makes this book a helpful read.

I would suggest you to read this book at a slow pace so that you can introspect and think through the solutions provided in this book to make your life better. It is a book that guides you while being packed with honest and insightful perspectives.

I have learnt that self-love is not just a concept but rather an art to be mastered. I think that the interpretation of self-love can often become confused with being selfish or inconsiderate. However, it is rather an embodiment of ‘empowerment and liberation’; something which I in fact once found difficult to comprehend and understand. By Vex King splitting the book into seven parts, he allows the reader to clearly follow the journey to finding their purpose, practicing self-love beautifully and achieving ultimate happiness. By breaking the path into stages, one is able to fully explore and focus on different aspects of their life to wholly develop as a person.

One thing which really struck is me how we are the creator of our own lives. We hold the power. What we want we can have if we set the right intention and act. Anything that happens in our life (not only ourselves but our sphere of influence, experiences and painful moments) are a result of our own emotions, thoughts and actions. “So if you are thinking the same thoughts and you know that your thoughts create your reality- then same thoughts lead to the same choices, the same choices lead to the same behaviours, the same behaviours create the same experiences, the same experiences produce the same feelings and the same feelings drive the very same thoughts.” It becomes an endless cycle. Thus, to gain control of our thoughts we must be able to understand our emotions and be able to process them so that we can control our reactions. Only then can we transform them so they have a positively impact.

I would like to say that King’s meticulous, considered structure, easy to read yet complex and inspiring content and most importantly his kindness, genuineness, authenticity and passion not only make ‘Good Vibes Good Life’ an resonant book to remember but also portrays a beautiful journey to one leading a life of purpose, possibility and positivity.

Verdict: Amazing from start to finish. This is a book that everyone can relate to and is a brilliant guide to raising your vibration and self-love. There's no hidden meaning. Vex has literally laid everything out for you. This book has definitely helped me a lot. The self-growth I intend to achieve is something I owe to myself. Living a life, I truly love is the journey that excites me!

Overall, a 'CANNOT put down' book! 😊

Ratings: 5/5

Book Review #132 : Ramayana – The Game of Life: Radiate Confidence

Title: Ramayana – The Game of Life: Radiate Confidence (Book 5)

Author: Shubha Vilas

Genre: Mythology, Literature, Spiritual

Pages: 208

Publisher: Jaico Publishing House (2019)

Radiate Confidence is the 5th instalment of Ramayana: Game of Life series. Every book is of the same framework, where he diligently describes how to learn from the Ramayana and inculcate habits and thinking accordingly. The author has beautifully interwoven the story of Ramayana with powerful life lessons which are presented in the form of practical examples with anecdotes.

I love the footnotes in each page explaining the citations in the text. It is especially useful to someone like me, who isn’t well versed with Indian mythological stories. There are notes, after each chapter, describing what one can learn from the happenings in the story and how to apply those in real life. I have highlighted quite a few!

The story continues from where the previous book ended. I am leaving the links to the reviews of the previous books of the series below:

Book 1

Book 2

Book 3

Book 4

There is a charm in Shubha Vilas's writing. I felt purified and soothed by this book. I couldn't keep it down. It was so absorbing. Every line holds an urge to go on reading till you exhaust yourself but still crave to know what would happen next. A great book for both adults and children, and a perfect to introduce your children to such great epics!

Radiate Confidence is a book about being patient and finding success. This book is a modern retelling of the Sundara Kanda of Valmiki’s epic, it reminds us through the story of Hanuman, how courage and devotion can make one confident and help him achieve his goal. It gives various timely messages in the book. These are simple messages but they are needed to be told today when one can’t perceive the simplest of things since the minds are so clouded by complications. The author’s writing is simple yet rich.

VERDICT: This book is for everyone who wants to seek success, understand Hanuman and find its relevance in our lives. This is a self help book disguised in a juicy format with one of the most read texts of Hinduism. In a time of turmoil, this book provides not an escape but involvement which is non religious and universal. Happy Reading! Pick this up while in Quarantine!

Ratings: 4.5/5

P.S: I was sent the review copy very graciously by the author, who is also a spiritual and motivational speaker, and I am truly grateful.

Linen Curtains

Linen curtains, knit of fancy, rustic yarns,

Plethora of thoughts fleeting through the blue, purple and scarlet dimness,

An air of romance permeates the volume,

The linen curtains recall your voice tonight, 

Recall the night when it first saw two silhouettes making pure, mad love! 

💙 

-Aayesha 

Image Source : Pinterest

Book Review # 131: Until the Music Stops

Book: Until the Music Stops

Author: Naimish Srivastava

Publisher: Bigfoot Publications Pvt. Ltd. (2019)

Pages: 233

‘Until The Music Stops’ is one such romantic thriller book that will make you flip the pages till the end! It offers a lot of twists and turns throughout the plot. I just finished reading this book and I cannot imagine what a ride it was. I have read something incredible, that too from an Indian author. A very tight novel with a jaw-dropping romance and thrill. The storyline is fabulous and continuity maintained throughout is worth appreciation.

Until The Music Stops by Naimish Srivastava, revolves around three characters- Grace, Amir and Siddharth. Grace who does not get what she desires from her husband Siddharth. Her past continues to knock her present in the form of Amir, who was her lover since college days. The complexity of these relationships is what drives the book to an unexpected end!

This book has – a solid and tense plot, formidable protagonists, gut wrenching sequences and a shocking climax. The constant tension between the protagonists has been well presented. This book is a medley of psychological drama, mystery, suspense, thriller with a tad bit of love and betrayal. The best part of this book are the characters. I would definitely say that it is a character-driven plot because they have been portrayed with such finesse and the author has managed to put all the nitty-gritty details. The usage of simple words and lucid language helps to maintain coherence throughout the book. The quotes in the book justify the title very well.

The novel is a perfect blend of emotions. This book doesn't disappoint you. An absolute thriller. Once you start reading it, you can't stop it. If you are looking for some short engaging read you should go for it! 

Ratings – 4.5/5