Book Review #144 : Rohzin

A book of eight chapters, Rohzin by Rahman Abbas is a veritable feast for the mind. In Urdu ‘Rohzin” is a word that the author coins to signify the souls of people hurt by witnessing the betrayal of their parents with their partners. What ensues is a story of love, lust, belonging, rejection and identity spread lush across the city of Bombay.

Abbas wrote the novel in Urdu, originally. Rohzin, the author’s fourth novel, has been translated into English by Sabika Abbas Naqvi! The book is indeed modern in the sense of questioning contemporary lifestyles. Thanks to this book, Abbas won the Sahitya Academi Award, India’s most prestigious literary award, in 2018. In Rahman Abbas’ “Rohzin”, Mumbai serves many functions, from a watery canvas floating the boat of first love to a cesspool of emotional traumas. Speaking of imagination and reality readily transmigrating into each other’s realms, Rahman Abbas’s writing is a delightful craft.

'Rohzin' follows the story of the protagonist, Asrar, who comes to Mumbai. It is through his eyes that the author describes the hitherto-unknown aspects of the maximum city Mumbai — the unseen colours and secrets of the city’s underbelly. It is also the story of two lovers, Asrar and Hina, which begins abruptly and ends tragically. The two fall in love and become a couple. Quite obviously, their relationship bridges social disparities. They are Muslims from very different backgrounds. Islam defines cultural dimensions of their identities, but not their identity as such. In their daily lives, they are guided by curiosity rather than Koranic doctrine. The novel frequently segues into philosophical conversations about sex and strictures that may limit human experience, and the question of whether one can liberate oneself from civilisation.

The writer addresses upfront the role identity plays in triggering external and internal crises. The average Indian wears a multi-layered identity, constructed from historic and ongoing migrations. Through history, dream and surrealist asides, Abbas weaves in legends about the goddess, myths surrounding the seven islands that make up Mumbai, and a foretold catastrophe. The vision of Konkan is juxtaposed with scenes of reality and fantasy jostling together in the deep urban underbelly of Bombay.

What makes the read worthwhile is the interlacing of closely observed lives in contemporary Mumbai. The novel also recalls the trauma of the 1992-93 riots and subsequent bomb blasts, the Dockyards tragedy of 1944, the custodial death of Khwaja Yunus in 2003, even the future terror attack of 2008. Some of these events muddy the timeline of the novel, at a few places, disorienting readers, like me, who are familiar with the city’s history.

Rohzin takes you to multiple journeys and in each journey, you would have wished that it never ceases. The author portrays life in a fascinating and challenging multi-cultural environment. Rahman Abbas's beautiful crafted story-writing captivates you every moment and is definitely worth a read!

Ratings – 5/5

Review copy courtesy – PR, Penguin Random House India.

She Is A Mirror!

DISCLAIMER- Not every woman is necessarily a reflection of how you treat her. Sometimes you can treat her like a queen and she will not return the favor. Sometimes you can love her deeply and not be loved in return. Some things are out of your control and there is nothing you can do about it. Also, there is no justification for abuse, cruelty, cheating, deceiving, manipulating or lying. AT ALL. From any gender.

The way you treat a woman will often reflect in how she behaves. It just does. It’s almost as if women take the form and shape of a mirror that will reflect you in ways you’ve never imagined possible.

The honey moon phase is when most men do anything in their power to contribute to her happiness and peace of mind. No, her happiness is not your responsibility, it is hers. BUT, you can either add to it or disrupt her peace. This is when you compliment her, invest in the relationship with your time and effort, surprise her by noticing subtle things about her, support her goals, embrace her flaws and differences, try your very best to work out any challenges life throws at you etc. This is when she reflects back the loving, caring side of you. She will thank you for how you treat her with her sincere laughter, cuddles, hugs, loyalty, honesty and lots of love (even sex, for that matter). She will do ANYTHING for you. Literally.

As time goes by, you get comfortable and start settling down with her. You're together, there's no need for chasing anymore. Her heart and trust belongs to you and so does yours. There's nothing wrong with getting comfortable and settling down. By any means, it's a natural, healthy phase. What's not healthy is that you go from giving 100% in a relationship to giving 50%. You start showing her the man you really are. The loving, caring side starts to fade and your selfish, egotistic, career focused and tunnel visioned side comes out to play. She's had her portion of light, it's time to give her some darkness and see how well she handles it. The thing is, she always handles it better than you expect her to.

And, because she's so strong and can take anything, you start throwing more shit at her. It's almost as if you're testing the waters to see how far you can go and how much you can hurt her without any consequences. Well, it takes a hell of a long time for her to start treating you the way you're treating her.

When you begin disliking how she behaves is when she's finally taking the bull by the horns and placing herself as a mirror right in front of you. Yet, you still somehow miss it. You can't seem to notice how and why the relationship is changing until it's too late and she's already moved on. But the signs are always there, you're just choosing not to see them.

The truth is, she's showing you those parts of you that you have no desire to deal with, work upon and improve. You no longer have a desire to become a better version of yourself because she's yours and, unless you've set your eyes on another woman already, there's nothing motivating you to work on yourself.

You begin complaining she's too much to handle. She's giving you too much shit. She's too frustrated, irritated, frigid, miserable and clingy. She's not playful and sexy anymore, she's not passionate and thrilling. False.

She's too much to handle because you haven't learned how to handle yourself. She's giving you too much shit because you haven't given her anything else to reciprocate. She's frustrated, irritated, frigid, miserable and clingy because you're lazy, comfortable, ignorant, blind and distant. She's not playful, passionate and thrilling anymore because you don't even want to get to know her mind and body anymore. That's how a woman becomes a reflection of how you treat her.

Also, at times, we may feel the person who is inflicting torture upon us is unaware. But, no, they are very well aware & have a self analysis of who & what they are. Yet, they always play the victim card; however, the woman will refuse to be your reflection then - because enough is enough & she no longer wants to be a wrong doer like you & be vengeful. Then she walks away gracefully. To never return.

P.S: A man can totally become a reflection of how you treat him, too.

Book Review #140 : Written in the Stars

Book Name: Written in the Stars

Author: Divya Anand

Pages: 270

Genre: Romance Novel, Fiction

Price: 225 INR

Set in Bangalore, ‘Written in the Stars’ has a lot of interesting elements that bring the story beautifully together. The challenges of a start-up, the process of product design, everyday office politics, and unrequited love make it seem like just another day at work. However, the horoscope element gives the story a neat, unique, unexpected twist. Girl-bonding is the best thing at the centre of all this madness.

This book is a romantic comedy about whether life and love are shaped by your choices or are written in the stars. Sitara, the protagonist works for a start-up and is almost living on an edge to prove her worth for a promotion. And how she uses the marketing head Abhimanyu Singh's obsession with astrology to her advantage and later falls in love with him. Sitara must now choose what she really wants, a promotion or true love. The story revolves about Sitara's professional and personal life and how she balances the two. The book gives a real feel of corporate culture, over ambitious people, politics, love, hatred, deadlines everything you can think of. 

Author, Divya Anand has scripted the character Sitara in such a manner that every working girl can relate to it. The hassle of work-life balance, friends family balance, and boss, and employee balance. You get to see all the aspects of the urban woman in the book in a sync manner. The love aspect of the character is explored yet it is so subtle in the storyline. Sitara’s love interest, Abhimanyu in the story is adorable. Kavya is the darling friend we all need in our lives and Inaya is the all-knowing cute niece anyone would want to have around. Abhimanyu Singh, despite his strange astrology obsession, is irresistible. His self-assuredness and chiseled features make you fall head over heels in love with him.

‘Written in the Stars’ is a light-hearted, humorous book.  I totally admire the author's sense of humour. In many places you won't be able to stop yourself from laughing out loud. This book deals with every emotion and relationship so beautifully.

The astrology angle is interesting and adds the freshness required to help this book stand out from others in the genre. Haven't read such a relatable and laugh-out-loud funny book in ages. After months of working from home, I felt the familiar madness, tension and hilarity of office life - as if I were back in its midst.

Verdict: Divya has done a great job of creating characters, dialogues and adding a pinch of drama to the romance. The language is easily understood and the book is just the right length. The novel clearly picturizes today's corporate world in a very simple language. I always look for a positive ending and this book has given me the one. With a proper closure and happy ending, this book has won my heart. I strongly recommend this book as it is enjoyable, humorous and a fun read.

Rating: 4.5/5

Review copy courtesy - author.

Book Review #138 : The Right Escape

 

If you love to read small poetry or micro tales, this book is for you! This book is inspiring, relatable and profound.

A published book in your hands is someone's hard work, sweat and efforts. Hajra is a beautiful soul and it shows through her writing. This book is a perfect cosy winter read for a sore heart. Needless to say, I was baffled with what I found folded into the pages. I was expecting an inspirational slightly tacky read much like how I viewed poetry prior to this. What I found was vulnerability, startling bluntness, and a pure and raw story laced into the pages!

The poems are sweet and idealistic. Overall, I really enjoyed this compilation of poems and would totally recommend to anyone who is looking to heal from a bad experience in life. I do not subscribe to the belief that poetry must be difficult to be meaningful, hence, I truly enjoyed this book.

VERDICT – ‘The Right Escape’, is a ‘modern classic’, worthy to be read out loud, written in texts to loved ones, and learnt by heart. The reminder to appreciate yourself and to embrace love, separation and the process of self-discovery is timeless.

RATING – 4/5

 

My Advice To Indian Teenage Girls!

I wish I knew some of these things in my teens or early twenties, my life would have been completely different. It takes a great deal of understanding to assimilate this post. I hope it helps!

1. Don't be like men. You are different. You are unique. You are a female and there is a difference. What do you do when you see pigs lying in the gutter? Will you go lie with them or you clean the place and make it habitable for the rest of you? Trying to imitate men in the name of equality is not a way to be.

2. If you want to, imitate good men, men that are a good mix of masculine and feminine, men that you want to be the father of your kids. Would you be proud of a father who drinks, smokes, is always concerned about his looks, men who belittle other men, is critical of everything and is financially irresponsible or too much into money, career, competition etc. Don't be like men, be a woman which men want to be like, who is a safe place for men to come to when they are done fighting their battles, women whom even men look up to.

3. Ladies, learn to distinguish between different kinds of attention. You don't want to be someone's past time, you should be someone people show reverence for. When they see you, they are filled with love and respect. They want their daughters to be like you. They want to have you not just in their beds but in their homes, in their hearts, in their life forever. 

4. As a woman, do not pull others down on your way up. When you reach to the top, give your hand to pull other women up. A community of empowered women is much needed to raise the collective consciousness of the society as a whole. Every time you belittle a woman, you expose an insecure part of yourself, learn to work on it.

5. A major reason for attracting toxic partners and tolerate shit is your deep seated insecurities. Your self worth should not depend on how beautiful and successful you are, how many men find you beautiful, how popular you are. Just your existence is worth a million bucks, you don't need to be “something” to be worthy of love and respect. Do not tolerate disrespect, abuse, toxicity to compensate for your imagined shortcomings.

6. Acknowledge the quiet guy sitting in the corner who you think is boring and under confident. He could be the one for you, give him a chance. Try to communicate with all kinds of people, know them, first impression is often the wrong impression.

7. Shed all the concepts that the society taught you. Unlearn. One of which is a concept of “independence”. No one is completely independent, we are all inter-dependent on each other. Having an income is great but don't try to do anything and everything all by yourself, it is exhausting, ask for help whenever you need. Feeling unsafe? Ask your brother to drop you, want to lift an heavy object? Ask your husband, men opening doors for you? Appreciate. Asking for help will not take away your independence. Similarly, don't misuse your financial independence as an excuse to feel superior, being rebellious, immature and outspoken. Learn to use your intuition and wisdom in every situation. Learn balance of everything!

8. Don't tolerate mediocre things in life. Recognize the divinity within you. It has nothing to with size, color of your skin, clothes you wear, feminine is innate to our existence, our bodies are perfect ground for seeds of femininity to sprout, when in tune with our divinity, we are more at peace, more patient, more grounded, sensual, full of love, compassion, empathy. People can't help getting drawn towards us. No, it is not submission, not helplessness, not cowardice rather opposite, it is empowering, it is liberating, it is fearless way of living.

9. When in self doubt, look into the mirror and for once just once try to look beyond the physical, beyond your thin hairs and thick nose, beyond your saggy skin and bat wings, beyond your love handles and thunder thighs. Beyond the superficial color your skin, you are a divine being radiating colorful lights, encompassing the entire universe within you. You are just that, nothing less. See it, embrace it. Be it. 

Love. 

Haiku #18 ~ Self Love

HAIKU : A poetry form, with three lines. The first being 5 syllables, the second 7, then 5 in the third.

To give love can cause -

pain - if there is no self love.

First, you must love you!

Book Review #136: The Second Life : An Anthology of 25 Life Changing Stories

Paperback: 224 pages

Publisher: Write India Publishers; first edition (10 October 2014)

Language: English

An awesome compilation of unique stories and they titled it so apt as 'The Second Life'. Take my words some characters of the stories will not leave you forever. All the writers have given their best work here, you will echo my views when you read the stories. I have a story named 'In The Classroom of Life' too. Here is the list of story names and their authors. 

Each story has its own flavour. While some are as sweet as a cold breeze, a few are upbeat and thought provoking. It is a highly recommended book with the right ingredients for everyone.

It's a collection of beautiful heart touching stories that can change even the reader's perspective about life. Only few books have this power, and this is one of them.

A particular story that stood out to me and stirred my soul was 'The Hug of Allah and Ishwar'. It left me wondering about the hypocrisy we live in. The religion that teaches us the way to ultimate peace, we use the same religion as a reason to kill. Shameful.

An inspiring book you must get. A worthy gift you can give to anyone. 

Ratings: 5/5

What Makes A Relationship Last Long?

1. The ability to compromise is important for success in many aspects of life; your romantic relationship will also thrive when you've both have honed your ability to give and take. A long lasting relationship requires flexible individuals who are willing to give a little (and sometimes a lot) to ensure mutual happiness. If you and your partner are good at finding solutions that make you both happy, it's a good indicator that you'll be successful in the future.
2. Couples that have similar values & share a common sense of curiosity are a lot more likely to make it long-term just as are couples that share similar goals!
3. Your arguments should actually bring you closer. You HAVE TO communicate to each other with kind words. Never don't hold grudges once you're done fighting.
4. When you’re not insecure about each other’s successes & support each other's goals.
5. When you forgive each others’ bad days. Have a short memory and a lot of forgiveness. Prioritize your partner over anything else.
6. When you have bad news, your spouse is the first person you want to tell -- not the person you most dread telling. Daily connection time is a MUST have!
7. To keep your relationship brimming, with love, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. You still like them when you're angry.
8. Take that EXTRA effort equally.
9. When you challenge your old taught habits which might be snobbish like fighting over unmade bed, wet towels thrown carelessly on bed, etc. It’s not about being a neat freak, but c’mon, some things can be learnt & changed!
10. When you trust each other at all cost.

9 Things Every Girl Should Know Early On In Life!

1. About taxes, savings, and being independent
2. Basic cooking
3. How to take one’s mental health seriously
4. Spare some ME time!
5. Never change for someone until you no longer recognize yourself
6. Take care of your skin since a young age, your skin will thank you later!
7. Never settle just because you are a certain age..
8. Know the difference between a man who flatters you, compliments you and the man who spends money on you, who invests in you. Know the difference between a man who views you as a property and a man who views you properly, a man who lusts after you and a man who loves you, be with a man who believes you are a gift to him!
9. Accept yourself, the way you are. Love yourself, unapologetically!

“GROWING” in a relationship!

For me, “growing” in a relationship means the following:

• Your partner begins to see you more positively than you see yourself. You might be insecure about a feature or two about you, but they find you attractive always. They encourage you to be yourself.
• Your partner's good habits rub off on you—including health, finance, lifestyle, or psychological habits.
• Your relationship provides practical and emotional support that allows you to pursue your personal goals.
• You begin to persist hard things & difficult situations in life together - as two mature people. Such things grow you together and not apart.
• Your relationship helps you learn to trust that another person is dependable and emotionally available to you.
• When tiny things don’t hurt and resentments don’t creep up on you both - when there are no unspoken, unconscious issues present or overlooked in your relationship.
• When you have the best communication, you speak and listen to one another with intense presence, honesty, patience, and compassion.
• When there’s no comparison of what jobs people have, their homes, their clothes. When you don’t look to see what the grass looks like on the other side. You’re happy with the view out your own front door and you cherish that.
• One of the most important sentiments of human love is intimacy, that means, "in-to-me-see." Desire serves as the connection between love and sex that gets liveliness and spontaneity in your lives and in the relationship. Love is the best aphrodisiac.
• When playfulness, creativity, and commitment help you maintain your freedom that lets you breathe while also remaining deeply connected to your partner.
• When you do not let small anger accumulate & sort things before you call it a day.
• When you work together for a better life and repeat how grateful you’re for having each other around.
• When you share curiosity for same things & sometimes take an interest in what interests the other person too.
• When you go the extra mile for them, relationships cannot be 50–50 all the time. It has to be unconditional at times.

Why are relationships so demanding?

Relationships are demanding. Because :

1. EXPECTATIONS: Most people have unrealistic expectations from their relationship & are not ready to work on it when they see the red flags.

2. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT: When conflicts arise, people are less curious to listen to the other side’s concerns & learn from each other, rather they just want to win and prove they’re right.

3. SELF AWARENESS: The only way out of mutual wounding is to develop self-awareness, examine our childhood/teenage histories and the wounds they created, build tolerance, learn the language of effective communication. This process is empowering & liberating. Unintentionally we make our partner suffer for our past bad experiences.

4. 24/7 ROMANCE BUBBLE: Accept that it won’t be all romance and flowers — and enjoy the special moments you have.

5. TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED: Once we feel comfortable in a relationship, we have a tendency to take everything for granted. We forget to do what it takes to express gratefulness and keep lovely moments fresh.

6. STAYING ON THE SAME PAGE: It can be hard to be on the same page at the same time. Communicate! This will help tremendously in the long run.

Give Her A Break! #HappyMothersDay

When I say that I need a break, I'm not talking about wanting a vacation or a treat as a reward for doing my job. Needing a break doesn't mean that I'm seeking a respite from my responsibilities or that I want to put my feet up. It means that I need a moment to feel like a human being in the midst of a relentless life where I don't belong to myself anymore; where I give my love and energy away, every moment of my existence, and can't figure out how to keep any for myself. I just need a few minutes to not be on edge, working my nerves and spirits raw for the safety and happiness and health of my kids. I just need a moment to remember who I am, to not feel worried and harried and invisible. I need a second to catch my breath, to make my own choices, to try to love myself, for a moment. My breaks might allow me to think my own thoughts for a few moments.

- A Mother

Motherhood is challenging. We love you, Moms. We do. And, thank you. For EVERYTHING. #HappyMothersDay

Linen Curtains

Linen curtains, knit of fancy, rustic yarns,

Plethora of thoughts fleeting through the blue, purple and scarlet dimness,

An air of romance permeates the volume,

The linen curtains recall your voice tonight, 

Recall the night when it first saw two silhouettes making pure, mad love! 

💙 

-Aayesha 

Image Source : Pinterest

Book Review # 131: Until the Music Stops

Book: Until the Music Stops

Author: Naimish Srivastava

Publisher: Bigfoot Publications Pvt. Ltd. (2019)

Pages: 233

‘Until The Music Stops’ is one such romantic thriller book that will make you flip the pages till the end! It offers a lot of twists and turns throughout the plot. I just finished reading this book and I cannot imagine what a ride it was. I have read something incredible, that too from an Indian author. A very tight novel with a jaw-dropping romance and thrill. The storyline is fabulous and continuity maintained throughout is worth appreciation.

Until The Music Stops by Naimish Srivastava, revolves around three characters- Grace, Amir and Siddharth. Grace who does not get what she desires from her husband Siddharth. Her past continues to knock her present in the form of Amir, who was her lover since college days. The complexity of these relationships is what drives the book to an unexpected end!

This book has – a solid and tense plot, formidable protagonists, gut wrenching sequences and a shocking climax. The constant tension between the protagonists has been well presented. This book is a medley of psychological drama, mystery, suspense, thriller with a tad bit of love and betrayal. The best part of this book are the characters. I would definitely say that it is a character-driven plot because they have been portrayed with such finesse and the author has managed to put all the nitty-gritty details. The usage of simple words and lucid language helps to maintain coherence throughout the book. The quotes in the book justify the title very well.

The novel is a perfect blend of emotions. This book doesn't disappoint you. An absolute thriller. Once you start reading it, you can't stop it. If you are looking for some short engaging read you should go for it! 

Ratings – 4.5/5

Book Review #129 : Done with Love

Title – Done with Love

Author – Shuchi Singh

Category – Literature & Fiction

Publisher – Rupa Publications

Done With Love is a romantic comedy that explores the pathos and elation that comes with the feeling of love. It is genuine and exhibits plenty of raw emotions. It is a modern love story of two people in love on the brink of getting married but not just yet.

Kairavi, the protagonist, is a girl who believes that she and her boyfriend, Vivian, are meant to be together. Even though Vivian has some apprehensions about moving in together, or even getting married, Kairavi’s heart believes that a ‘happily ever after’ awaits her. Things go awry when she catches Vivian and Aisha kissing in Maldives while they attend a conference. When she realizes that she has been betrayed in love, her mind urges her to move on but her heart still clings on to Vivian. Amidst the on and off relationship status, Kairavi is like any other single woman who is desperate to find love, hold on to it. She is portrayed outspoken and intelligent. But, at times, she is vulnerable.

The book took me on a journey of Kay and Vivian written from the point of view of Kay. It is penned down beautifully in a lucid manner. However, the roles of characters like Karan, Kapil and Ravi are inconsequential. More depth was needed for these characters.

I loved the narration style of the author. The language of the book is lucid. It’s simple yet beautifully presented. The characters were varied and added a fun element to the story. The pace is full of drama and twists.

Verdict - Done with Love was a fast and light read. An easy breezy, desi chick lit style fun take on modern relationships. Shuchi has a sense of humour and it shows in this book. I would highly recommend it for romance genre fans.

Ratings – 4/5.

P.S : This book was provided to me in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.

I Love You — Now Change Yourself For Me

What happens when you try and change the person you love? They love you back a little less? No, well that doesn’t happen directly. Essentially, the person you claim to love, starts loving himself/herself lesser. And I strongly believe, you cannot serve from an empty vessel. If they don’t love themselves enough, they cannot love you enough, as well.

When you change the way they look or dress, or for that matter take away who they are- by not being accepting of their passion, they no longer remain the person you fell in the first place for. Some people change others for the need of everything being a “certain way” they want things to be.

You shouldn’t feel pressured to drop all of your interests. That is not a sign of a healthy relationship. If you have a strong sense of how you like to look, then by all means, don’t change. If you're happy with how you dress, and it feels like an honest reflection of your personality and your wardrobe makes you feel in Beast Mode every day, then definitely don't let them tell you to change your appearance to suit their preferences. But if you end up changing how you dress, in a way that feels negative, you will hate yourself for it, if not immediately, but surely later.

This is a conscious rethink we need to develop our minds into, that changing someone unless it is a really bad habit - that affects their health, is not cool. This too should not be a command/demand, but a healthy request.

Real love is not asking someone to change himself/herself for you. I believe people change, and sometimes, people change for people, sadly. Which sucks. We humans, have this amazingly illusional habit of “fixing” others. The thinking here is if he/she loved you enough, they would perhaps change. It is intoxicating. Trying to change your partner interferes with your ability to practice forgiveness. When you try to change them, you are always looking for flaws.

You’ll be inclined to bend on many things that are a part of your personality, if you really, really love the person — but , but, it’s a bad idea to do so, all the time.

Don’t resort to fixing or changing someone. That will only create resistance in relationships. Let love change you for better, not your loved one. And even when required, compromises and adjustments shouldn’t just be one ended. Remember, there is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing you are doing wrong. You are worthy of feeling peace and being accepted just the way you are. You are enough exactly as you are.

Nothing you say, nothing you do and nothing you wish for is going to motivate another person to make long-term change if they do not internalize the need for it. You should change, not because you’re being asked or because someone else thinks it’s good for the relationship, but because you, inside yourself, wish to be different.

Love someone where they are, not where you want them to be. It is very basic to show respect for the other person’s autonomy. Relationships are based on compromise because, despite rom-com fantasies, there is no such thing as a “perfect fit” between people. There are some “almost-there” fits and “pretty close” fits, but you’re never going to find someone who just so happens to conform exactly to the life you’ve established as a single person.

You should never let yourself believe things like, “If only I were different, this person would love me more.” That line of thinking is destructive; your partner should love you for your core self , your soul and your essence.

Love is not a power play, not roles and dynamics and shoes you must fill. You don’t need to become something better just to have someone’s affection, even if the other person’s intentions are pure. If the changes are insignificant or reasonable, it is acceptable. But you can’t make someone change for your reasons, or even the right reasons—an individual changes because he or she wants to. For themselves. Not for you.

All in all, it’s a wonderful thing to learn from a lover. If they can introduce you to new ideas, concepts, and experiences, your relationship will be all the richer. But don’t let it take over and influence what you have been, before they even entered your life. Don’t betray who you are. You need to be open to small changes for one another, but you cannot have a personality transplant, all of a sudden.

Imperfect, raw, and real. Proud being that way.

Book Review #114 : the sun and her flowers

The Sun and Her Flowers, by Rupi Kaur, is perfect for anyone who has recently broken up with someone who did not nurture your soul sufficiently to sprout. For all shattered spirits in search of a safe haven, this poetic collection is nectar to busy little injured bees. In a garden where precious buds are in dire need of water, The Sun and Her Flowers reflects souls who rise above the barriers that hinder their growth. It is a passage between decay, awakening, and healing. Rupi Kaur’s most recent anthology is “the recipe of life.”

Rupi Kaur vividly plays with paradoxical symbols. The book cover contained sunflowers, typically resembling joy and vitality, and its content depicts themes of woe and melancholy. It symbolises the process of regaining light after prolonged, somber nights of despair. Even vibrant and cheerful beings, like sunflowers, can wilt and suffer with scarce nurturing.

The Sun and Her Flowers encompasses an enticing table of contents, akin to a flower cycle: wilting, falling, rooting, rising, and blooming. Each category portrays poems with illustrations done by Kaur herself, relevant to their respective themes.

One of the many reasons to love this book  is its capacity to truly mend and heal broken hearts stuck in despair and darkness. This anthology provides light at the end of the readers’ tunnels, and give hope to souls who consider themselves unfortunate.

If you read her first book (Milk and Honey), it's still in Rupi's signature style, but she manages to cover similar topics from a different standpoint. It kind of feels as though her books are maturing with her, as this one handles the issues from Milk and Honey in a more mature, learned tone.

Even if some of the poems in the sun and her flowers seem like recycled oldies-but-goodies, there's no denying that Kaur is brilliant. She's not afraid to speak her mind and talk about taboo subjects, such as female infanticide, immigration, rape, abuse, mental illness and sexual empowerment. Her poems contain difficult subject matter and can be hard to read, but they all hold a unique power that can and will speak to many people around the world. This leaves readers feeling as though Kaur has gone deep into the depths of their personal lives and put all the heart-wrenching feelings they once felt down on paper.

Reading The Sun and Her Flowers will honestly change your life and your relationships with yourself and others. I am truly looking forward to reading her future publications. Definitely recommend that ALL young women read this, if for no other reason than to see that we are all sharing very similar struggles in love and life in general.

Ratings : 5/5 

Book Review #113 : Patna Blues

Book :- Patna Blues

Author :- Abdullah Khan

Publisher :- Juggernaut

First thing first. I would like to express my utmost gratitude to Mr. Abdullah Khan for entrusting me with the review for his debut book ‘Patna Blues’.

"Patna Blues" revolves around three main characters; Arif, a Muslim boy from the lower-middle-class family who dreams of becoming an official of the IAS and changing the fortune of his family. Zakir, Arif's younger brother and an aspiring actor who eventually becomes a victim of the fascist side of India. The love of his life, Sumitra, a mature married Hindu woman. Arif and Sumitra, two amateur poets, share their love and passion for Urdu poetry. Urdu Shayaris are the fragrance of this story which will certainly make you fall in love with them.

The book is hard cover and the cover looks very good with a picture of a young boy who plants a lots of questions and curiosity in the reader's mind.

The book illuminates the post-Babri life of Indian Muslims too. The way the author has explained the life of a Muslim boy or a Muslim family in the Hindu majority India is the highlight of the book.

The book is a heart-wrenching tale from dream to destiny with a gripping storyline and admirable characters. It explores the various taboos existing in our society and highlights the hostility towards Muslims. The characters are relatable inspired from those who we have met at some point in our lives. My most loved character is that of Arif, a boy who despite of several hurdles doesn’t lose hope. His relationship with his family and friends is warm and pleasant.

The book is a gripping read which doesn’t allow you to take a break from it. At one point, it seems that Arif is a reflection of the author himself. The distinct portrayal of emotions make this novel an interesting yet realistic read.

Patna Blues does full justice to its title. As we accompany Arif Khan, the protagonist, along his life’s path, mostly strewn with speed breakers, pothole’s and occasionally down gravel filled paths as he trips and falls, again and again, we can’t help but root for him to do better: to pass the all important IAS exam this time, somehow be with the woman of his dreams, help his Abba with the financial burden that wears his lower middle class police officer father down, find his beloved younger brother Zakir who the police have picked up one dark night and then have denied picking up.

There are a lot of scenes and incidents that take place and are left unexplained as to why it happened or what exactly happened. I humbly demand him a sequel. The author writes lucid language that is relatable and understandable. The narration is a combination of crispiness, ornamentation and a bit of a drag at places.

I recommend this book to one and all. Especially to those who wants to try out new storylines, that are different from the unusual boy-meet-girl tale. It is a heartrending tale that would eventually pull the reader to the very depth of the narration. The ending is touching, a feast to the readers’ soul and perhaps the best part of the book.

Rating - 4.5/5

Loving The Right Person

Love is a big thing. It is equal parts exciting, rewarding, and scary. But, anyone who’s experienced it knows it’s the best feeling ever.

Loving the right person can bring about so many changes in you and your life. 

1. THEY’RE THE BEST PART OF YOUR DAY

No matter how good or bad the day is going, that someone has a way of making it better. There’s something quite magical about our loved one in that their mere presence makes us feel more at peace.  

2. You heal

When you're loved the way you want to be loved, all your baggage starts to make sense and that's when you start letting go of everything negative you've been holding on to. That's because when you find the right person, you'll be accepted in your truest sense, gaining back that confidence you lost somewhere along the way. 

3. YOU WILL LOVE YOURSELF A LOT MORE THAN YOU DID

Stronger relationship teaches us the value of self worth. That's because the person you're with will make you realise how important you are as an individual, not just to them, but as a whole. You will feel valued and free. The love will feel like it lifts you up, helping you to experience more out of life.

4. THEIR PAIN IS YOURS

That’s right: the whole thing about owning your pain goes out the window the moment you fall in love. We can’t honestly hold onto something if someone else refuses to let go. Love and pain are inseparable. And it’s the most beautiful (albeit, heart-wrenching) type of pain, too.

5. YOU’RE PROTECTIVE

We innately protect the people we care for. You feel safe with them, too. 

6. YOU THINK ABOUT THE FUTURE/ LONG TERM GOALS

A lot of consideration is given to the days ahead. Maybe it’s having a lovely home, starting a family, or bettering yourself when the time comes to settle down.

7. YOU WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON

This is the life-changing power of love.

8. YOU’RE BEST FRIENDS

When you’re in love with the right person, it feels a lot like returning to the simpler days of life. You might be dealing with the pressures of work, school, and conflicting responsibilities. But you genuinely enjoy each other’s company, you tell each other everything, and you have the unshakable knowledge that if something goes wrong for one of you, the two of you will face it together. You’re at each other’s side through laughter and tears, and you take comfort from each other. You’re not afraid to be silly, and you’re not afraid to be weak. You like each other’s quirks, and there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for each other.

People fall in love for all sorts of reasons. Deep levels of trust take time to develop, but with the right person it all finds a perfect balance.

Book Review #107 : 'He's Just Not That Into You'

Authors: Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo

ISBN: 978-0-689-87474-1

There are 16 chapters. Each of these chapters contains a brief description of the problem from Greg; two or three advice column-style questions from women, which Greg answers; a paragraph or two under the heading "It's so simple," which reinforces the chapter title; "Here's Why This One Is Hard," wherein Liz empathizes with reluctant readers and whines about how difficult her romantic life is; "This is What It Should Look Like," which discuss an ideal situation; and "Greg, I Get It," credited to a woman who finds the advice liberating.

Three items end each chapter: "If You Don't Believe Greg," which always has '20 out of 20' or '100% of polled men' giving advice that stands by the chapter's rule; a redundant "What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter" summary; and a trivial but occasionally giggle-worthy "Workbook" section.

You've probably told yourself all of this stuff before, but seeing it in writing really brings it home. I feel like this book has changed my entire perspective on dating.

If he is really that into you, you will know. There will be no doubting or questioning. This book just reaffirmed my inner voice that was telling me this kind of stuff but I always brushed aside in hopeless romantic style. But not anymore! This might be an uncomfortable book for both men and women to listen to, since it has high expectations of relationships. It has a light touch and is often funny. While the book often seems to have a very idealized view of romantic love and the perfectibility of relationships, relying on an old fashioned view of the differences between the sexes, it also fits in with one of the simplest and most obvious planks of feminism, that women should be treated with respect and kindness. We well know that it is often the people we get closest to that we hurt the most.

He's Just Not That Into You is certainly not an academic treatise, so readers should take the advice at the level at which it is offered. The idea of the book is to get women to improve their relationships, not make final pronouncements about the nature of men and women.

Move over diamonds, Greg Behrendt is a girl's new best friend. This book is hilarious and its humor will turn off any yearning for the man you thought was "into you" but not heard from in a while. (The book also gives women permission--and courage--to dump a man without feeling guilty.) The sad truth took a while to sink in that if a man really wants a particular woman, he'll move mountains to be with her.

It is not a bad message and maybe it is needed because as the authors say, there are too many women who put up with bad behavior from men. Women do need to believe that they deserve respectful behavior and should not fall for the many lies they are told. Indeed, women should not be so ready to lie to themselves about their relationships in the belief that they can't do any better. They need to respect themselves enough to insist on being loved well, because if they don't, then men won't respect them either. It is pretty crude psychology, but it makes sense.

He's Just Not That Into You will make its readers consider what their minimum requirements should be in the attitudes of a partner, and how much they should forgive the faults and mistakes of their lovers. So, surprisingly, it is a book that takes a strong moral stance. It is probably not a stance that its readers should adopt completely, but it is at least one worth keeping in mind. I sat with a highlighter pen to mark the important one-liners - the gems! ;)