A Work In Progress!

We were supposed to have it all figured out by now, weren’t we?

We were supposed to know exactly what we wanted and exactly how to get it by now, isn’t that what we were told about being an adult? And then life happened.

As we got older we slowly realized that 95% of what we thought we were supposed to have figured out by now wasn’t anything close to what life is really about. Because the lives we are living are not finite. They are not written in stone. They are not stagnant. They are not about breaking through a certain threshold.

Our lives are one massive, gigantic, and sometimes overwhelming work in progress. There will never come a time when we are complete and finished human beings because the state of being complete and finished is the antithesis of what being human is all about.

Life is malleable. It is constantly throwing new things our way. Life is more a continuous learning experience than anything else. And, this is the way life will always be.

But this is not about how nothing is ever good enough or things are never finished. Products are finished. Books are finished. That project at work that everyone hated was finished. 

There will never be a time in this life where everything makes complete sense. There will never be a time in this life where we won’t struggle at least a little bit. There will never be a time in this life where we are finished working on ourselves. There will never be a time in this life where we have everything figured out. These things will never come to pass because existing consciously necessitates work.

There will always be things that we can get better at. There will always be things that challenge us. There will always be mistakes that we want to correct.

Though the idea of every person on this earth being a continual work in progress may seem daunting, it’s important to understand that this will always be the case. There is no finished state to a human being. And it is the act of understanding this reality that keeps us open to life and the possibilities that come from accepting the nature of being human.

The second we feel like we have everything figured out is the second that we no longer give life the chance to change our minds or enlighten us. The second we feel like we are no longer a work in progress is the second we stop making progress.

And the most progress is often made when we are among our hopes and dreams and side projects and things that inspire us and things we want to change for the better. It is among these things where life exists in its purest form. And it is among these things where we usually realize we are a work in progress and we will always be a work in progress.

As unsettling as this idea might be, it is surely one of life’s most important challenges to understand that everything about who we are is not finite and will continue to evolve and grow as time continues to pass. It would probably be a much easier existence if this wasn’t the case, but the world would be substantially worse off if our lives weren’t a continual work in progress.

My Advice To Indian Teenage Girls!

I wish I knew some of these things in my teens or early twenties, my life would have been completely different. It takes a great deal of understanding to assimilate this post. I hope it helps!

1. Don't be like men. You are different. You are unique. You are a female and there is a difference. What do you do when you see pigs lying in the gutter? Will you go lie with them or you clean the place and make it habitable for the rest of you? Trying to imitate men in the name of equality is not a way to be.

2. If you want to, imitate good men, men that are a good mix of masculine and feminine, men that you want to be the father of your kids. Would you be proud of a father who drinks, smokes, is always concerned about his looks, men who belittle other men, is critical of everything and is financially irresponsible or too much into money, career, competition etc. Don't be like men, be a woman which men want to be like, who is a safe place for men to come to when they are done fighting their battles, women whom even men look up to.

3. Ladies, learn to distinguish between different kinds of attention. You don't want to be someone's past time, you should be someone people show reverence for. When they see you, they are filled with love and respect. They want their daughters to be like you. They want to have you not just in their beds but in their homes, in their hearts, in their life forever. 

4. As a woman, do not pull others down on your way up. When you reach to the top, give your hand to pull other women up. A community of empowered women is much needed to raise the collective consciousness of the society as a whole. Every time you belittle a woman, you expose an insecure part of yourself, learn to work on it.

5. A major reason for attracting toxic partners and tolerate shit is your deep seated insecurities. Your self worth should not depend on how beautiful and successful you are, how many men find you beautiful, how popular you are. Just your existence is worth a million bucks, you don't need to be “something” to be worthy of love and respect. Do not tolerate disrespect, abuse, toxicity to compensate for your imagined shortcomings.

6. Acknowledge the quiet guy sitting in the corner who you think is boring and under confident. He could be the one for you, give him a chance. Try to communicate with all kinds of people, know them, first impression is often the wrong impression.

7. Shed all the concepts that the society taught you. Unlearn. One of which is a concept of “independence”. No one is completely independent, we are all inter-dependent on each other. Having an income is great but don't try to do anything and everything all by yourself, it is exhausting, ask for help whenever you need. Feeling unsafe? Ask your brother to drop you, want to lift an heavy object? Ask your husband, men opening doors for you? Appreciate. Asking for help will not take away your independence. Similarly, don't misuse your financial independence as an excuse to feel superior, being rebellious, immature and outspoken. Learn to use your intuition and wisdom in every situation. Learn balance of everything!

8. Don't tolerate mediocre things in life. Recognize the divinity within you. It has nothing to with size, color of your skin, clothes you wear, feminine is innate to our existence, our bodies are perfect ground for seeds of femininity to sprout, when in tune with our divinity, we are more at peace, more patient, more grounded, sensual, full of love, compassion, empathy. People can't help getting drawn towards us. No, it is not submission, not helplessness, not cowardice rather opposite, it is empowering, it is liberating, it is fearless way of living.

9. When in self doubt, look into the mirror and for once just once try to look beyond the physical, beyond your thin hairs and thick nose, beyond your saggy skin and bat wings, beyond your love handles and thunder thighs. Beyond the superficial color your skin, you are a divine being radiating colorful lights, encompassing the entire universe within you. You are just that, nothing less. See it, embrace it. Be it. 

Love. 

Haiku #24 ~ Ph.D

HAIKU : A poetry form, with three lines. The first being 5 syllables, the second 7, then 5 in the third.

The first months are hard,

As time passes, the growth becomes visible,

Then the results shine out. 

Book Review #136: The Second Life : An Anthology of 25 Life Changing Stories

Paperback: 224 pages

Publisher: Write India Publishers; first edition (10 October 2014)

Language: English

An awesome compilation of unique stories and they titled it so apt as 'The Second Life'. Take my words some characters of the stories will not leave you forever. All the writers have given their best work here, you will echo my views when you read the stories. I have a story named 'In The Classroom of Life' too. Here is the list of story names and their authors. 

Each story has its own flavour. While some are as sweet as a cold breeze, a few are upbeat and thought provoking. It is a highly recommended book with the right ingredients for everyone.

It's a collection of beautiful heart touching stories that can change even the reader's perspective about life. Only few books have this power, and this is one of them.

A particular story that stood out to me and stirred my soul was 'The Hug of Allah and Ishwar'. It left me wondering about the hypocrisy we live in. The religion that teaches us the way to ultimate peace, we use the same religion as a reason to kill. Shameful.

An inspiring book you must get. A worthy gift you can give to anyone. 

Ratings: 5/5

Ph.D : An Academic Adventure Of A Lifetime!

The PhD-as-journey becomes a way of telling self and others the story of the PhD process and the various experiences, emotions, and challenges that come along the way. The notion of the journey sums up the sense of movement, personal growth and change! Here are my learnings/observations and narrations of the ups and downs of my journey until now:

1. Patience & ability to deal with pressure

PhD can be really frustrating and there may be times you would feel like just giving up. Even though you may have completed the work from your end there are so many other factors that influence your progress. That is why you need patience and lots of it-

• The supervisor might not be available, dates for presentations, meetings might be difficult to secure. Comments from advisors could take too long or they could join some other institute mid-way.
• If you are getting the results and publications in time (what you and your supervisor have planned), then you are in a good phase of the Ph.D. And, here is your chance to make best out of it. However, for some reasons, if you are lagging then again pressure builds.
• Papers you send for publications could sometimes take months. It could be an endless process of rejections, reviews and revisions before you can finally get published.
• Getting married while doing PhD is not easy with the lack of time and less money from stipend. All this while your friends who could be graduates have good jobs and have been promoted and even have kids.
• Dealing with the pressure that comes with family and relatives constantly asking you about when are you completing your PhD.
• Holidays are rare and even then you might have to work. The only time you really get to travel is during conferences. Even that is impossible now due to Covid-19 situation.
• You might be a teaching assistant or taking classes or organizing conferences or doing some other work which will take up more of your time.

Basically, doing Ph.D. is an art of handling the pressure, and if you are good in that, then you will find less frustration. However, if you're unable to handle the load, then you will learn it during the Ph.D. And, undoubtedly, you will master the things (like pressure handling to minimize the frustration level) that can help you to grow your career. There is plenty of time to learn, improve and emerge. 

2. Drive + Humility + Hard work

It could take you anywhere between 3 to 6 years to complete your PhD. If you are not driven, it could be easy to slip into lethargy and depression as you counter setbacks on the way. You might waste valuable energy and lose focus. Treat every setback as a bump in the road.

The transition from student to scholar is the primary task of a doctoral journey. It involves learning how to (a) read and critically interpret the original works of important theorists and researchers contained in the literature of your field, (b) design and conduct research projects of your own (such as the dissertation), and (c) write in a style and voice acceptable to other scholars. 

So while you need to be driven to progress forward, you also need to be patient knowing it would still take time. This combination of drive-patience quality is tough but so important to achieve.

3. People skills

Although a lot of your PhD work involves you working alone in your lab or cubicle or home, it also involves interaction and working with others.

The most important is your relation with your supervisor. A supervisor might be kind and helpful but might not have enough knowledge in your area to help you a lot. Or your supervisor might be a genius and very knowledgeable but might have a nature that makes it difficult to work with them. It is up to you to figure out the best way to work with them as everyone has a different kind of personality and this relationship lasts for years and involves constantly working with them.

Besides your supervisor, there are also committee members with whom you may need to interact at times. Networking is important as you might need to take help from other colleagues, juniors or seniors for your PhD work or for collaborating to publish a paper together.

So although it is your PhD - that of an individual, it is never achieved without the involvement of a lot of different people and that is why people skills are necessary- knowing how to work and what works best with them.

4. (Mis)Using the freedom

The nicest part of a PhD is the freedom. The worst part is the freedom. Understand this! You have to be wise with how you use your time and make the most of the opportunity to study and research something you’re passionate about. A PhD student who understands this difference separates himself/herself from the rest automatically!

P.S: 

1. There are days when you don't understand something or you don't get desired results in this journey. Similarly, there are days when you might get scolded for no fault of yours. All these things are frustrating but if you were to look at it, these things happen in almost any career. 

2. Ph.D is an endurance test. So, even with all these aspects, enjoying the doctorate journey is what matters the most. It will have its share of ups and downs. How you handle them will determine whether you succeed or fail in your quest.

What Makes A Relationship Last Long?

1. The ability to compromise is important for success in many aspects of life; your romantic relationship will also thrive when you've both have honed your ability to give and take. A long lasting relationship requires flexible individuals who are willing to give a little (and sometimes a lot) to ensure mutual happiness. If you and your partner are good at finding solutions that make you both happy, it's a good indicator that you'll be successful in the future.
2. Couples that have similar values & share a common sense of curiosity are a lot more likely to make it long-term just as are couples that share similar goals!
3. Your arguments should actually bring you closer. You HAVE TO communicate to each other with kind words. Never don't hold grudges once you're done fighting.
4. When you’re not insecure about each other’s successes & support each other's goals.
5. When you forgive each others’ bad days. Have a short memory and a lot of forgiveness. Prioritize your partner over anything else.
6. When you have bad news, your spouse is the first person you want to tell -- not the person you most dread telling. Daily connection time is a MUST have!
7. To keep your relationship brimming, with love, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. You still like them when you're angry.
8. Take that EXTRA effort equally.
9. When you challenge your old taught habits which might be snobbish like fighting over unmade bed, wet towels thrown carelessly on bed, etc. It’s not about being a neat freak, but c’mon, some things can be learnt & changed!
10. When you trust each other at all cost.

Lesser Known Facts About The Author Of This Blog!

1. I hate the sight of crumpled bed sheet. I kind of have an OCD of always having things in place. I HAVE to make my bed right after I wake up. Plus point? You will always find things around me in place, all neat!
2. I can put my heart and soul if I want to learn anything.
3. I give 100% in maintaining my relationships. If something doesn't go well I tell myself that I shouldn't blame the other person but instead try to put on more effort.
4. I still have hand written notes from Engineering days (which was like 10 years ago!)
5. I love collecting books (I receive so many from authors for review purpose!). I am very selfish when it comes to lending my books to anyone as I don’t trust anyone taking care of them like I do. They are a part of my emotions.
6. I was always very good in academics.
7. I don't watch television and no saas bahu kinda serials for me.
8. I am a BIGGGG coffee lover (frothy one) & I hate mutton.
9. I can get a thread in needle within seconds.
10. I love giving surprises to people I love.
11. I enjoy being alone, I love my ‘me’ time, I never feel lonely.
12. I love chandeliers.
13. In the world of messages and e-mails, I love to write cards, love notes and letters. I’m very old school.
14. I am very good with money management, you’ll never find me wasting my money on useless things.
15. I am a hopeless romantic.
16. I love to dress up.
17. I love eating milk powders, all of those baby food (cerelac) and chocolate health drink powders. I put a spoonful of it in my mouth and devour it with great delight.
18. I don't like having pets.
19. I like writing.
20. I don't like to waste food.
21. I don't like mehman nawazi, I need things simple and normal. If you host me, best thing you can do is keep things simple, simple food and no extraaa hospitality.
22. I don't like people who show off / put others down.
23. I like the smell of old books & coffee brewing.
24. I am witty.
25. My favorite dessert is Choco Lava cake from Dominos.

Two Best Reasons To Wake Up Early!

1. Better concentration & enhanced productivity: Brains tend to be most alert in the morning. Starting your day early improves your concentration. In addition to being able to focus on goals and task lists without being interrupted by family members or coworkers, getting up early means that by the time you get to work or school, you’ve had (EXTRA) hours to properly acclimate yourself to the day.

2. You have more time on your hands! So, the way we rush for everything is insane! We rush to jump buses, trains, rush to work, rush breakfast. It is always a rat race. Waking up early makes it very easy to plan your life. I mean, while the world is rushing to make breakfast, you are already done with that and at a much more relaxed pace too. You’ll be more alert during peak hours, as a result, you’ll get more done!

Why I Don't Wear Makeup Anymore!

Well, up until 2018, I used to love wearing makeup. But, that was a way of concealing my acne marks & a curiosity to try new makeup that my favorite influencer then promoted! Lol.

Mid 2018, I started taking care of my skin! Skin is your body's largest organ. It serves as a protective barrier between your insides and the rest of the world. I learnt, proper skin care is vital. It's about staying healthy. Taking care of your skin is not something you do ‘now and then’, but on a daily basis! How your skin will look in ten or twenty years, depends on the way you care for it now.

Skin is constantly growing and changing, so you have to remain vigilant in caring for it. Keep your skin hydrated by drinking plenty of water throughout the day and try maintaining a balanced diet. Always make sure to use sunblock if you're going to spend time outside. Once your skin is crystal clear, you’ll realize you no longer need more than maybe - a mascara and a lipstick. That’s all I use NOW. 

Makeup can only enhance your appearance. But good skin care can make you feel good even from within. Plus, when I don’t have a zillion step makeup routine, it takes me less time to get ready for work in the mornings. Also, you can’t rinse your face so often – in summer, in the sun, because of the heat the skin needs to breathe more and with makeup it can’t. You can’t rub your eyes- or else you know - Panda eyes!

Even for my wedding, I was adamant that I wanted to look like me — not some idealized version of myself that I’d be unable to maintain indefinitely. My partner was not marrying some “new and improved,” dyed, painted, or slimmer version of me, after all. I did wear makeup, but just as much as I would still look & feel like myself. 

While I do feel more polished wearing some cosmetic covering, I also see the potential within myself of not being able to face the world with my bare face. I remember days when I worked back then - I would follow each step from primer to lipstick & then makeup fixer, just to hide my acne scars. I didn’t want to become dependent on makeup. I don’t ever want to feel naked or unattractive without it.

I think that makeup can be a tool of misogyny. When it is not used from a perspective of self-love, makeup can breed bouts of self-hatred in women — or at least dissatisfaction. Makeup made me look for my face’s flaws rather than accepting my face as it is. I started to wonder what else / which products I need to improve or cover up with this or that color. Are my lips well enough defined? Do my cheeks have the right hue? Is my complexion all right?

We tell women that they’re beautiful and that they should love themselves. We tell little girls to have self-confidence and that they can be anything they want to be. But then, and often with the same breath, we suggest they can be beautiful (or confident) only when they are not quite themselves. We sell women (both young and old) products to “fix” or “improve” their appearance — wrinkle removers, concealers, eyelash enhancers, and other colorful cover-ups. We do. 

My final wish is - our society views makeup as an optional accessory as opposed to the required response to any perceived deficiency. I am a woman capable of self-confidence and self-love, and I no longer allow my face to feel like a façade.

“GROWING” in a relationship!

For me, “growing” in a relationship means the following:

• Your partner begins to see you more positively than you see yourself. You might be insecure about a feature or two about you, but they find you attractive always. They encourage you to be yourself.
• Your partner's good habits rub off on you—including health, finance, lifestyle, or psychological habits.
• Your relationship provides practical and emotional support that allows you to pursue your personal goals.
• You begin to persist hard things & difficult situations in life together - as two mature people. Such things grow you together and not apart.
• Your relationship helps you learn to trust that another person is dependable and emotionally available to you.
• When tiny things don’t hurt and resentments don’t creep up on you both - when there are no unspoken, unconscious issues present or overlooked in your relationship.
• When you have the best communication, you speak and listen to one another with intense presence, honesty, patience, and compassion.
• When there’s no comparison of what jobs people have, their homes, their clothes. When you don’t look to see what the grass looks like on the other side. You’re happy with the view out your own front door and you cherish that.
• One of the most important sentiments of human love is intimacy, that means, "in-to-me-see." Desire serves as the connection between love and sex that gets liveliness and spontaneity in your lives and in the relationship. Love is the best aphrodisiac.
• When playfulness, creativity, and commitment help you maintain your freedom that lets you breathe while also remaining deeply connected to your partner.
• When you do not let small anger accumulate & sort things before you call it a day.
• When you work together for a better life and repeat how grateful you’re for having each other around.
• When you share curiosity for same things & sometimes take an interest in what interests the other person too.
• When you go the extra mile for them, relationships cannot be 50–50 all the time. It has to be unconditional at times.

Why are relationships so demanding?

Relationships are demanding. Because :

1. EXPECTATIONS: Most people have unrealistic expectations from their relationship & are not ready to work on it when they see the red flags.

2. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT: When conflicts arise, people are less curious to listen to the other side’s concerns & learn from each other, rather they just want to win and prove they’re right.

3. SELF AWARENESS: The only way out of mutual wounding is to develop self-awareness, examine our childhood/teenage histories and the wounds they created, build tolerance, learn the language of effective communication. This process is empowering & liberating. Unintentionally we make our partner suffer for our past bad experiences.

4. 24/7 ROMANCE BUBBLE: Accept that it won’t be all romance and flowers — and enjoy the special moments you have.

5. TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED: Once we feel comfortable in a relationship, we have a tendency to take everything for granted. We forget to do what it takes to express gratefulness and keep lovely moments fresh.

6. STAYING ON THE SAME PAGE: It can be hard to be on the same page at the same time. Communicate! This will help tremendously in the long run.

4 Super Useful Things I Suggest You Do - That Need 30 Seconds Or Less!

There are so many things that need 30 seconds or even less. Here are a few, I would suggest! :)

1. Boost Your Confidence and Reduce Stress (POWER POSE!): Find a quiet place. Stand up straight and lift your chin. Keep a straight posture and a superhero stance. This releases confidence-boosting testosterone instantly! You can try doing this prior to an interview or public speech. Or it can simple be used to help with stress!

2. Micro-meditate: Take that tiny bit of time, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to build mindfulness in this digital age. This helps in clearing your head, especially when you’re in the middle of the day & feeling anxious.

3. Stretch: 30 seconds is pretty much the perfect amount of time to hold a stretch! It is relaxing, soothing and makes you flexible!

4. Pay your online bill(s): It only takes a few seconds to fill up your card details and pay up. It decreases your debt/pending payments. It's great adulting! ;)

Give Her A Break! #HappyMothersDay

When I say that I need a break, I'm not talking about wanting a vacation or a treat as a reward for doing my job. Needing a break doesn't mean that I'm seeking a respite from my responsibilities or that I want to put my feet up. It means that I need a moment to feel like a human being in the midst of a relentless life where I don't belong to myself anymore; where I give my love and energy away, every moment of my existence, and can't figure out how to keep any for myself. I just need a few minutes to not be on edge, working my nerves and spirits raw for the safety and happiness and health of my kids. I just need a moment to remember who I am, to not feel worried and harried and invisible. I need a second to catch my breath, to make my own choices, to try to love myself, for a moment. My breaks might allow me to think my own thoughts for a few moments.

- A Mother

Motherhood is challenging. We love you, Moms. We do. And, thank you. For EVERYTHING. #HappyMothersDay

Book Review #132 : Ramayana – The Game of Life: Radiate Confidence

Title: Ramayana – The Game of Life: Radiate Confidence (Book 5)

Author: Shubha Vilas

Genre: Mythology, Literature, Spiritual

Pages: 208

Publisher: Jaico Publishing House (2019)

Radiate Confidence is the 5th instalment of Ramayana: Game of Life series. Every book is of the same framework, where he diligently describes how to learn from the Ramayana and inculcate habits and thinking accordingly. The author has beautifully interwoven the story of Ramayana with powerful life lessons which are presented in the form of practical examples with anecdotes.

I love the footnotes in each page explaining the citations in the text. It is especially useful to someone like me, who isn’t well versed with Indian mythological stories. There are notes, after each chapter, describing what one can learn from the happenings in the story and how to apply those in real life. I have highlighted quite a few!

The story continues from where the previous book ended. I am leaving the links to the reviews of the previous books of the series below:

Book 1

Book 2

Book 3

Book 4

There is a charm in Shubha Vilas's writing. I felt purified and soothed by this book. I couldn't keep it down. It was so absorbing. Every line holds an urge to go on reading till you exhaust yourself but still crave to know what would happen next. A great book for both adults and children, and a perfect to introduce your children to such great epics!

Radiate Confidence is a book about being patient and finding success. This book is a modern retelling of the Sundara Kanda of Valmiki’s epic, it reminds us through the story of Hanuman, how courage and devotion can make one confident and help him achieve his goal. It gives various timely messages in the book. These are simple messages but they are needed to be told today when one can’t perceive the simplest of things since the minds are so clouded by complications. The author’s writing is simple yet rich.

VERDICT: This book is for everyone who wants to seek success, understand Hanuman and find its relevance in our lives. This is a self help book disguised in a juicy format with one of the most read texts of Hinduism. In a time of turmoil, this book provides not an escape but involvement which is non religious and universal. Happy Reading! Pick this up while in Quarantine!

Ratings: 4.5/5

P.S: I was sent the review copy very graciously by the author, who is also a spiritual and motivational speaker, and I am truly grateful.

Linen Curtains

Linen curtains, knit of fancy, rustic yarns,

Plethora of thoughts fleeting through the blue, purple and scarlet dimness,

An air of romance permeates the volume,

The linen curtains recall your voice tonight, 

Recall the night when it first saw two silhouettes making pure, mad love! 

💙 

-Aayesha 

Image Source : Pinterest

I Love You — Now Change Yourself For Me

What happens when you try and change the person you love? They love you back a little less? No, well that doesn’t happen directly. Essentially, the person you claim to love, starts loving himself/herself lesser. And I strongly believe, you cannot serve from an empty vessel. If they don’t love themselves enough, they cannot love you enough, as well.

When you change the way they look or dress, or for that matter take away who they are- by not being accepting of their passion, they no longer remain the person you fell in the first place for. Some people change others for the need of everything being a “certain way” they want things to be.

You shouldn’t feel pressured to drop all of your interests. That is not a sign of a healthy relationship. If you have a strong sense of how you like to look, then by all means, don’t change. If you're happy with how you dress, and it feels like an honest reflection of your personality and your wardrobe makes you feel in Beast Mode every day, then definitely don't let them tell you to change your appearance to suit their preferences. But if you end up changing how you dress, in a way that feels negative, you will hate yourself for it, if not immediately, but surely later.

This is a conscious rethink we need to develop our minds into, that changing someone unless it is a really bad habit - that affects their health, is not cool. This too should not be a command/demand, but a healthy request.

Real love is not asking someone to change himself/herself for you. I believe people change, and sometimes, people change for people, sadly. Which sucks. We humans, have this amazingly illusional habit of “fixing” others. The thinking here is if he/she loved you enough, they would perhaps change. It is intoxicating. Trying to change your partner interferes with your ability to practice forgiveness. When you try to change them, you are always looking for flaws.

You’ll be inclined to bend on many things that are a part of your personality, if you really, really love the person — but , but, it’s a bad idea to do so, all the time.

Don’t resort to fixing or changing someone. That will only create resistance in relationships. Let love change you for better, not your loved one. And even when required, compromises and adjustments shouldn’t just be one ended. Remember, there is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing you are doing wrong. You are worthy of feeling peace and being accepted just the way you are. You are enough exactly as you are.

Nothing you say, nothing you do and nothing you wish for is going to motivate another person to make long-term change if they do not internalize the need for it. You should change, not because you’re being asked or because someone else thinks it’s good for the relationship, but because you, inside yourself, wish to be different.

Love someone where they are, not where you want them to be. It is very basic to show respect for the other person’s autonomy. Relationships are based on compromise because, despite rom-com fantasies, there is no such thing as a “perfect fit” between people. There are some “almost-there” fits and “pretty close” fits, but you’re never going to find someone who just so happens to conform exactly to the life you’ve established as a single person.

You should never let yourself believe things like, “If only I were different, this person would love me more.” That line of thinking is destructive; your partner should love you for your core self , your soul and your essence.

Love is not a power play, not roles and dynamics and shoes you must fill. You don’t need to become something better just to have someone’s affection, even if the other person’s intentions are pure. If the changes are insignificant or reasonable, it is acceptable. But you can’t make someone change for your reasons, or even the right reasons—an individual changes because he or she wants to. For themselves. Not for you.

All in all, it’s a wonderful thing to learn from a lover. If they can introduce you to new ideas, concepts, and experiences, your relationship will be all the richer. But don’t let it take over and influence what you have been, before they even entered your life. Don’t betray who you are. You need to be open to small changes for one another, but you cannot have a personality transplant, all of a sudden.

Imperfect, raw, and real. Proud being that way.

Book Review #116 : Surviving Stress

Title	Surviving Stress: Rediscover the Awesome You!
Author	Vidhu Bhatnagar
Publisher	Educreation Publishing, 2017
Length	251 pages
ISBN	9781545708200
Subjects	Self-Help

”Surviving Stress and Rediscover The Awesome You!" Is a book that helps you learn to deal with stress constructively. Stress in everyday life is a killer in itself and when we become parents, the stress multiplies. The first section in this book deals with my ways of surviving stress, balancing between work, patients, kids and home with patience and acceptance. 

This book is divided into two sections - the first section deals with the lessons regarding stress management and the second is devoted to learning about the societal conditioning and rediscovering our awesomeness. 

Vidhu explains how societal conditioning restricts our growth; how we need to identify our bonds so as to free ourselves and become our awesome self. Identifying the clutches of conditioning and then disentangling from them is the second part in this book. 

“Surviving Stress” is a sincere attempt by Dr Vidhu Bhatnagar to throw light on the delicate and hidden threads that hold the life together. It is these threads that need to be cherished and nourished so that they become stronger with each passing day. Deriving learnings from her own experiences, the author explores the mesh that we build around us and make our life more complicated. The book aims to offer a more simplified and more realistic approach to understand the complexities of life. 

The book is extremely well written. The language is simple, yet riveting. The editing is superb. The book is divided into several short chapters which make it super easy to read and help us retrospect on one aspect of our life that hampers our ability to live happily. This book is simple and practical. Some stories urge us to reflect on our flaws and accept them. The title of the book is catchy and apt. The cover of the book, however, fails to catch attention because it is very simple. 

The book is interspersed with wonderful quotes. The tips offered are not unique, really. They are common enough to have been tried and tested. So the author is sharing useful information, without being preachy. Truly inspiring. If are struggling with stress, this book could be your ultimate saviour. 

Rating - 4/5 

About the author : 

Dr. Vidhu Bhatnagar completed her graduation in 1999 from AFMC, Pune and has been practicing as a full time professional, since then. She proceeded to commence her post-graduation in Anesthesiology in Dec 2003. She was blessed with her first born in August 2006 and the second born in Jun 2009. She commenced her super specialization in NeuroAnesthesiology in Jan 2011 and successfully completed the same in Dec 2013. She is presently working in a tertiary care hospital as an Associate Professor and Neuroanesthesiologist. The stress of pursuing higher education, handling relationships and managing kids was overpowering and it took some time for her to realize the ways and means to handle everything optimally. She became an ardent follower of alternate healing practices including Reiki and Pranic Healing during this journey. She also is a Tarot card reader and Oracle Card reader and paints 'Mandalas' for relaxation.

Book Review #115 : IKIGAI

I recently completed reading a very inspiring book — IKIGAI — The Japanese Secret to a Long Happy Life. The book is authored by Hector Garcia and Francesc Miralles. Today, I am going to talk about my learning from the book. The book touches the various aspects of life which can help us achieve a long happy life. It is based on ancient, well practised Japanese technique called — IKIGAI.

If you google the word, you will get various meanings like : A reason for being, encompassing joy, a sense of purpose and meaning and a feeling of well-being, Or, The word derives from iki, meaning life and kai, meaning the realisation of hopes and expectations. But the one I liked the most is — “A reason to jump out of bed each morning!” This book helps you deep dive into discovering the meaning of your life. It is quite evident that the authors stress more on discovering the meaning of life rather than creating one for you! If you have discovered the meaning of your life, you need to completely immerse into the experience without being distracted by the surroundings and you attain the flow. The book also talks about some very interesting techniques to practice which can help you achieve the flow.

Wabi Sabi Technique:

The book concludes after introducing to another Japanese Technique called — Wabi-Sabi. This techniques talks about finding beauty in imperfect, incomplete things. Here flawed is preferred over perfection. Japanese believe that only imperfect, incomplete and ephemeral things are beautiful because they resemble the nature.

Negatives:

What I found a missed opportunity was the fact that the writers didn’t include a resource list in the book with references. Many of their statements can be backed up with books and studies. I think the addition of sources would have made their message even stronger.

Also, it was sometimes difficult to determine whether the book was about how to get old healthily instead of finding your ikigai. I was imagining sometimes,  is this a book about finding your inner happiness or about healthy aging?

Verdict:

To conclude, I think the book is extremely inspiring and full of content. I could attain my flow while reading it. It is a nice, entertaining book that reads very easily and quickly and can certainly motivate you to live healthier. I wouldn’t go so far by saying that this book will help you to find your own ikigai. This is something very personal and this can be something very big or something very small. This book is not really about that. However, it gives you an idea of how it feels once you’ve found it and explains why it’s so healthy. I can also recommend this book if you’re looking for great insights and inspiration to live healthier and more positive. A great self help book.

Rating: 4/5

P.S: The book was a precious birthday gift.

Book Review #114 : the sun and her flowers

The Sun and Her Flowers, by Rupi Kaur, is perfect for anyone who has recently broken up with someone who did not nurture your soul sufficiently to sprout. For all shattered spirits in search of a safe haven, this poetic collection is nectar to busy little injured bees. In a garden where precious buds are in dire need of water, The Sun and Her Flowers reflects souls who rise above the barriers that hinder their growth. It is a passage between decay, awakening, and healing. Rupi Kaur’s most recent anthology is “the recipe of life.”

Rupi Kaur vividly plays with paradoxical symbols. The book cover contained sunflowers, typically resembling joy and vitality, and its content depicts themes of woe and melancholy. It symbolises the process of regaining light after prolonged, somber nights of despair. Even vibrant and cheerful beings, like sunflowers, can wilt and suffer with scarce nurturing.

The Sun and Her Flowers encompasses an enticing table of contents, akin to a flower cycle: wilting, falling, rooting, rising, and blooming. Each category portrays poems with illustrations done by Kaur herself, relevant to their respective themes.

One of the many reasons to love this book  is its capacity to truly mend and heal broken hearts stuck in despair and darkness. This anthology provides light at the end of the readers’ tunnels, and give hope to souls who consider themselves unfortunate.

If you read her first book (Milk and Honey), it's still in Rupi's signature style, but she manages to cover similar topics from a different standpoint. It kind of feels as though her books are maturing with her, as this one handles the issues from Milk and Honey in a more mature, learned tone.

Even if some of the poems in the sun and her flowers seem like recycled oldies-but-goodies, there's no denying that Kaur is brilliant. She's not afraid to speak her mind and talk about taboo subjects, such as female infanticide, immigration, rape, abuse, mental illness and sexual empowerment. Her poems contain difficult subject matter and can be hard to read, but they all hold a unique power that can and will speak to many people around the world. This leaves readers feeling as though Kaur has gone deep into the depths of their personal lives and put all the heart-wrenching feelings they once felt down on paper.

Reading The Sun and Her Flowers will honestly change your life and your relationships with yourself and others. I am truly looking forward to reading her future publications. Definitely recommend that ALL young women read this, if for no other reason than to see that we are all sharing very similar struggles in love and life in general.

Ratings : 5/5 

Top 15, 2018 Life Lessons

Top 15, 2018 Life Lessons: 

Since 2018 is coming to a close, I thought I would reflect on some of the lessons I learned this year. What a year! Today, I’d like to recap and share my biggest life lessons of 2018. It’s been the best year so far but that doesn’t mean everything was going my way. Read to know more... :)

1. Fall madly in love with yourself. "I am enough". 

2. Have unwavering faith; things will fall into place.

3. Never take life for granted.

4. Be more observing.

5. It’s okay to dream big.

6. Only when you move away from your comfort zone and cocooned life, you discover other facets to yourself.

7. Listen to the little encouraging inner voice more than the self doubt demon who plagues you. 

8. Don’t be scared if you fall off the wagon.

9. Dignity lies in getting a sense of the ending and letting go what’s not meant for you, gracefully.

10. Not everything you see on social media is real or goals.

11. Worry about your craft. Not the algorithm.

12. Genuine love is a privilege. Do whatever it takes to nourish it, so it lasts forever. 

13. Enjoy and be in love with the “process” of something not just the end result. Be in love with the fight too, not just the victory. Be obsessed with improvement.

14. Our proudest achievements come in the face of the greatest adversity.

15. Thoughts become things.