#IAmCapable

Even in the 21st century, we, women are surrounded by stereotypes we are somehow not able to get rid of, yet. It’s high time to break these stereotypes. 

Not just experience, but even statistics say the same. Take a look at some of the startling figures that the Nihar Naturals #IAmCapable survey conducted by Nielsen India reveals:

a. 69% of men agree that their judgement of women is based on their looks.

b. 64% of women agree that the judgments passed on them have affected their ability to reach their true potential.

c. 70%of women agree that majority of judgments on women are from family members or friends rather than strangers.

d. 72% of women agree that working women face more judgments on their looks or their clothes than housewives.

Women get judged, misused for various things and I am going to list a few of them down. I concluded to include these points in my post because of what I have observed around and a few instances that I personally experienced.

A) Our abilities: We may look thin and graceful, yet we are strong to carry our own luggage. And we always do not learn to cook, because we wish to get married. We learn things to become capable to take care of our own selves. We women are tough creatures, strong fighters and great multi-taskers.

B) Money: Some men feel women are just behind their money. But hey, not all are same. Some are focusing to marry rich husbands like you, while some are striving to become rich wives!

C) A man's ego: A man's ego is more fragile than a woman's heart. Some men just get almost handicapped if you hurt their ego by speaking the right thing; and they are so talented, they make you feel guilty for it too. They play blame games and make the woman weak.

How to overcome: Never let a man break you emotionally or mentally. A weak man can never sweep you off your feet because he simply doesn't possess the strength to lift your spirit.

D) Dowry: Girls you do not have to 'buy' a man to call yourself 'married'. Wait for the right person. And even if you do not get one, you are your own hero, always! Say no to the stereotypical custom of Dowry.

E) The race to reach the so called ‘enviable’ status of men in society: We need to come out of that 'son-preference-attitude'. The benchmarks of stereotypical paradigms which often drill the clause, "Women marching  ahead, in tandem with Men" or "Aajkal auratein mardon se kandhey se kandha  milakar chal rahi hain!" Such comparisons and success parameters for women actually reveal the dark underbelly of patriarchy, in a sugar coated pill, wherein a woman has to reach the so called ‘enviable’ status of men in society. I say why to match shoulders with men, when women are their own heroes!

F) Every outfit you wear will be judged: If you wear short clothes, probably you're a slut. If you wear salwar kameez, you're a behenji.

Rape is not about you. It is the power that man has misused. It has nothing to do with you staying out late, but the mindset of men. Babies get raped, elderly women too. They leave no one. DESPERATION leads to rape.

Every girl has a right to dress up as she wishes.  So don't place it on the length of her clothes. We often blame it on the western culture?  Which western culture? The same that has given us IVF, birth control techniques, or electricity and bulbs?

Even if you leave a scantily dressed lady minister at night on the road, nothing will happen to her. Because the consequences of such acts done to a minister are known. But when it comes to normal girls, the rapists know, they can get away with it easily. So it is not lack of clothes on a girl’s body, but lack of consequences. The laws of this country are not so apt and stringent.

How to overcome: The power of the harasser, the abuser, the rapist depends all on the silence of women. Simply a law cannot change the society. It is a battle. While we express our outrage, it is extremely important to empower women and exert pressure on the law enforcers to do their duty and the guilty be booked for exemplary punishment for their heinous deed. And maybe punished publicly or even chemical castration!

We need to teach our daughters to know the difference between a man who flatters her, compliments her and the man who spends money on her, who invests in her, the difference between a man who views her as a property and a man who views her properly, a man who lusts after her and a man who loves her, a man who believes she is a gift to him. And most importantly, we need to teach our sons to be that kind of a man!

G) Undervaluing yourself and being dominated: Most of the relationship problems arise when we undervalue ourselves and consider the wrong kind of attention to be right. Maybe because it feeds our ego or it validates our fear of not being good enough.

Some men revel in egotism and dominate their partners. If they don't feel their partners are good enough and not valuable enough, why are they with them? They are equally stupid for making such choices.

If you don't believe you are worthy, no one else will, girls. Don’t let your fears and insecurities override your self-respect. Believe that you matter.

H) Matrimonial ads - typical stereotypes: To write something, you as a writer have to risk making a fool of yourself.

So this point might just be offending to the weak hearted men. So read at your own risk. Do not blame me later!

I am going to talk about the matrimonial ads seen in newspapers and matrimonial sites placed by men. I am going to mock them.

Let me list down a sample ad - 

Want an exceptionally beautiful, slim, tall bride.

What do you mean by beautiful, fair!? Beauty dear men, is in the eye of beholder. It can be different for different people, depends on how you gauge it. Some people rate it by external appearances, some by brains, some by both, and some just see the connect they make with the person.

Slim? Rather ask for a mentally strong woman. Her being slim or fat will be of no use when you are fighting day to day issues life throws at you! 

Tall? How's her height going to benefit you!?

You are only allowed to change my surname, address and my viewpoint about other men. Just the other day, I spoke about this to my friend and her parents. They will surely be happy I brought up this point strongly on my blog. Men stop judging women on looks. She has more to her.

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How to overcome people who put you down and doubt your abilities is by doing what they say you cannot do! Look up and be proud of yourself. Never doubt your own capabilities. Life is all about taking risks. Sometimes you lose, sometimes you learn.

When we marry, we leave behind so many things and go to a new place to have a new share of responsibilities and duties, and there we only crave for people to understand that fact and offer mental support. But many people get satisfaction in harassing their daughter in laws or wives.

But dear women, don't let anybody love you less than you love yourself. Don't let people judge you by your appearances or faults, rather than your achievements. Let your feet follow your heart!

You have to be your own savior and education is the most powerful weapon that can be used to change the world.

Let your faith be bigger than your fear to reach your full potential. And always pray. Take a minute or two, to thank God for showering blessings on you, remember someone craves for all what you got already. So be grateful.  Always be optimistic; negativity around you is not an option.

Men, society and everyone who ever will try to bring me down, please know - I am capable, capable of doing almost everything you think I am not! So keep your garbage of negativity miles away from me and every other strong woman, who otherwise can give it right back to you.

P.S: “I’m breaking stereotypes based on appearance by sharing my experience for the #IAmCapable activity at BlogAdda in association with Nihar Naturals.”