She Is A Mirror!

DISCLAIMER- Not every woman is necessarily a reflection of how you treat her. Sometimes you can treat her like a queen and she will not return the favor. Sometimes you can love her deeply and not be loved in return. Some things are out of your control and there is nothing you can do about it. Also, there is no justification for abuse, cruelty, cheating, deceiving, manipulating or lying. AT ALL. From any gender.

The way you treat a woman will often reflect in how she behaves. It just does. It’s almost as if women take the form and shape of a mirror that will reflect you in ways you’ve never imagined possible.

The honey moon phase is when most men do anything in their power to contribute to her happiness and peace of mind. No, her happiness is not your responsibility, it is hers. BUT, you can either add to it or disrupt her peace. This is when you compliment her, invest in the relationship with your time and effort, surprise her by noticing subtle things about her, support her goals, embrace her flaws and differences, try your very best to work out any challenges life throws at you etc. This is when she reflects back the loving, caring side of you. She will thank you for how you treat her with her sincere laughter, cuddles, hugs, loyalty, honesty and lots of love (even sex, for that matter). She will do ANYTHING for you. Literally.

As time goes by, you get comfortable and start settling down with her. You're together, there's no need for chasing anymore. Her heart and trust belongs to you and so does yours. There's nothing wrong with getting comfortable and settling down. By any means, it's a natural, healthy phase. What's not healthy is that you go from giving 100% in a relationship to giving 50%. You start showing her the man you really are. The loving, caring side starts to fade and your selfish, egotistic, career focused and tunnel visioned side comes out to play. She's had her portion of light, it's time to give her some darkness and see how well she handles it. The thing is, she always handles it better than you expect her to.

And, because she's so strong and can take anything, you start throwing more shit at her. It's almost as if you're testing the waters to see how far you can go and how much you can hurt her without any consequences. Well, it takes a hell of a long time for her to start treating you the way you're treating her.

When you begin disliking how she behaves is when she's finally taking the bull by the horns and placing herself as a mirror right in front of you. Yet, you still somehow miss it. You can't seem to notice how and why the relationship is changing until it's too late and she's already moved on. But the signs are always there, you're just choosing not to see them.

The truth is, she's showing you those parts of you that you have no desire to deal with, work upon and improve. You no longer have a desire to become a better version of yourself because she's yours and, unless you've set your eyes on another woman already, there's nothing motivating you to work on yourself.

You begin complaining she's too much to handle. She's giving you too much shit. She's too frustrated, irritated, frigid, miserable and clingy. She's not playful and sexy anymore, she's not passionate and thrilling. False.

She's too much to handle because you haven't learned how to handle yourself. She's giving you too much shit because you haven't given her anything else to reciprocate. She's frustrated, irritated, frigid, miserable and clingy because you're lazy, comfortable, ignorant, blind and distant. She's not playful, passionate and thrilling anymore because you don't even want to get to know her mind and body anymore. That's how a woman becomes a reflection of how you treat her.

Also, at times, we may feel the person who is inflicting torture upon us is unaware. But, no, they are very well aware & have a self analysis of who & what they are. Yet, they always play the victim card; however, the woman will refuse to be your reflection then - because enough is enough & she no longer wants to be a wrong doer like you & be vengeful. Then she walks away gracefully. To never return.

P.S: A man can totally become a reflection of how you treat him, too.

My Advice To Indian Teenage Girls!

I wish I knew some of these things in my teens or early twenties, my life would have been completely different. It takes a great deal of understanding to assimilate this post. I hope it helps!

1. Don't be like men. You are different. You are unique. You are a female and there is a difference. What do you do when you see pigs lying in the gutter? Will you go lie with them or you clean the place and make it habitable for the rest of you? Trying to imitate men in the name of equality is not a way to be.

2. If you want to, imitate good men, men that are a good mix of masculine and feminine, men that you want to be the father of your kids. Would you be proud of a father who drinks, smokes, is always concerned about his looks, men who belittle other men, is critical of everything and is financially irresponsible or too much into money, career, competition etc. Don't be like men, be a woman which men want to be like, who is a safe place for men to come to when they are done fighting their battles, women whom even men look up to.

3. Ladies, learn to distinguish between different kinds of attention. You don't want to be someone's past time, you should be someone people show reverence for. When they see you, they are filled with love and respect. They want their daughters to be like you. They want to have you not just in their beds but in their homes, in their hearts, in their life forever. 

4. As a woman, do not pull others down on your way up. When you reach to the top, give your hand to pull other women up. A community of empowered women is much needed to raise the collective consciousness of the society as a whole. Every time you belittle a woman, you expose an insecure part of yourself, learn to work on it.

5. A major reason for attracting toxic partners and tolerate shit is your deep seated insecurities. Your self worth should not depend on how beautiful and successful you are, how many men find you beautiful, how popular you are. Just your existence is worth a million bucks, you don't need to be “something” to be worthy of love and respect. Do not tolerate disrespect, abuse, toxicity to compensate for your imagined shortcomings.

6. Acknowledge the quiet guy sitting in the corner who you think is boring and under confident. He could be the one for you, give him a chance. Try to communicate with all kinds of people, know them, first impression is often the wrong impression.

7. Shed all the concepts that the society taught you. Unlearn. One of which is a concept of “independence”. No one is completely independent, we are all inter-dependent on each other. Having an income is great but don't try to do anything and everything all by yourself, it is exhausting, ask for help whenever you need. Feeling unsafe? Ask your brother to drop you, want to lift an heavy object? Ask your husband, men opening doors for you? Appreciate. Asking for help will not take away your independence. Similarly, don't misuse your financial independence as an excuse to feel superior, being rebellious, immature and outspoken. Learn to use your intuition and wisdom in every situation. Learn balance of everything!

8. Don't tolerate mediocre things in life. Recognize the divinity within you. It has nothing to with size, color of your skin, clothes you wear, feminine is innate to our existence, our bodies are perfect ground for seeds of femininity to sprout, when in tune with our divinity, we are more at peace, more patient, more grounded, sensual, full of love, compassion, empathy. People can't help getting drawn towards us. No, it is not submission, not helplessness, not cowardice rather opposite, it is empowering, it is liberating, it is fearless way of living.

9. When in self doubt, look into the mirror and for once just once try to look beyond the physical, beyond your thin hairs and thick nose, beyond your saggy skin and bat wings, beyond your love handles and thunder thighs. Beyond the superficial color your skin, you are a divine being radiating colorful lights, encompassing the entire universe within you. You are just that, nothing less. See it, embrace it. Be it. 

Love. 

Haiku #18 ~ Self Love

HAIKU : A poetry form, with three lines. The first being 5 syllables, the second 7, then 5 in the third.

To give love can cause -

pain - if there is no self love.

First, you must love you!

9 Things Every Girl Should Know Early On In Life!

1. About taxes, savings, and being independent
2. Basic cooking
3. How to take one’s mental health seriously
4. Spare some ME time!
5. Never change for someone until you no longer recognize yourself
6. Take care of your skin since a young age, your skin will thank you later!
7. Never settle just because you are a certain age..
8. Know the difference between a man who flatters you, compliments you and the man who spends money on you, who invests in you. Know the difference between a man who views you as a property and a man who views you properly, a man who lusts after you and a man who loves you, be with a man who believes you are a gift to him!
9. Accept yourself, the way you are. Love yourself, unapologetically!

Bollywood Song That Talks Of Self-Respect & Self-Love To Me!

“Kinaare” from QUEEN movie.

This song embodies the theme of the movie, independence and self identity; It compares its quest to the search of shores for someone who is drowning mid sea. It crescendos perfectly in the 5th para with the realization that —

“Khud hi To hain hum… Kinaare (We ourselves are our, Shores)”.

Even if all the boatmen leave us,

Then, we will become oars ourselves,

and cross (the ocean) on our own..

Why others, we’ll ask ourselves,

The paths to follow,

Somewhere here in the waves,

We will find… (Shores)

Self-sufficiency gives one the freedom to discover one's true self and attain true independence. To be happy in one’s own company is the greatest nirvana attained!

By beginning to create boundaries for yourself - it that show others that you have self-respect. Release people from your life who don't honor your boundaries. Have confidence in yourself and live with grace, honor, and dignity!

Two Best Reasons To Wake Up Early!

1. Better concentration & enhanced productivity: Brains tend to be most alert in the morning. Starting your day early improves your concentration. In addition to being able to focus on goals and task lists without being interrupted by family members or coworkers, getting up early means that by the time you get to work or school, you’ve had (EXTRA) hours to properly acclimate yourself to the day.

2. You have more time on your hands! So, the way we rush for everything is insane! We rush to jump buses, trains, rush to work, rush breakfast. It is always a rat race. Waking up early makes it very easy to plan your life. I mean, while the world is rushing to make breakfast, you are already done with that and at a much more relaxed pace too. You’ll be more alert during peak hours, as a result, you’ll get more done!

A Cappuccino & Books Kinda Mood!

A book and a cup of coffee: two of the most comforting things in our modern lives. As the poet R.M. Engelhardt once wrote, “A smoke, a book, a cup of coffee. These are the little things that get us through this sometimes weary world and all the rainy days.”

I have a special love of books and coffee, the two pairing perfectly together. Coffee can be a pick-me-up to a dreary day; so can a book. Coffee can be the jolt you need to start on a new project; so can a book. The memory of a good cup of coffee will stay with you long after you’ve consumed it, and the same goes for a good book. I think the special connection between books and coffee is simple: ideas!!!

There is a connection between coffee and books that goes beyond the feeling of coziness induced when we wrap one hand around a warm mug and use the other hand to turn the pages of whatever we are reading. Books often serve a similar purpose, allowing us to detach from the world around us and dive into a new one. In that way, books can be our solace, and they require our undivided attention.

Reading “is a soothing experience.” Books require our focus, and coffee aids in that process; together, the two force us to slow down. And THAT is exactly my mood today- dive into a book, SLOW DOWN a bit & spend carefree hours reading with a cup of warm frothy coffee. :)

Why I Don't Wear Makeup Anymore!

Well, up until 2018, I used to love wearing makeup. But, that was a way of concealing my acne marks & a curiosity to try new makeup that my favorite influencer then promoted! Lol.

Mid 2018, I started taking care of my skin! Skin is your body's largest organ. It serves as a protective barrier between your insides and the rest of the world. I learnt, proper skin care is vital. It's about staying healthy. Taking care of your skin is not something you do ‘now and then’, but on a daily basis! How your skin will look in ten or twenty years, depends on the way you care for it now.

Skin is constantly growing and changing, so you have to remain vigilant in caring for it. Keep your skin hydrated by drinking plenty of water throughout the day and try maintaining a balanced diet. Always make sure to use sunblock if you're going to spend time outside. Once your skin is crystal clear, you’ll realize you no longer need more than maybe - a mascara and a lipstick. That’s all I use NOW. 

Makeup can only enhance your appearance. But good skin care can make you feel good even from within. Plus, when I don’t have a zillion step makeup routine, it takes me less time to get ready for work in the mornings. Also, you can’t rinse your face so often – in summer, in the sun, because of the heat the skin needs to breathe more and with makeup it can’t. You can’t rub your eyes- or else you know - Panda eyes!

Even for my wedding, I was adamant that I wanted to look like me — not some idealized version of myself that I’d be unable to maintain indefinitely. My partner was not marrying some “new and improved,” dyed, painted, or slimmer version of me, after all. I did wear makeup, but just as much as I would still look & feel like myself. 

While I do feel more polished wearing some cosmetic covering, I also see the potential within myself of not being able to face the world with my bare face. I remember days when I worked back then - I would follow each step from primer to lipstick & then makeup fixer, just to hide my acne scars. I didn’t want to become dependent on makeup. I don’t ever want to feel naked or unattractive without it.

I think that makeup can be a tool of misogyny. When it is not used from a perspective of self-love, makeup can breed bouts of self-hatred in women — or at least dissatisfaction. Makeup made me look for my face’s flaws rather than accepting my face as it is. I started to wonder what else / which products I need to improve or cover up with this or that color. Are my lips well enough defined? Do my cheeks have the right hue? Is my complexion all right?

We tell women that they’re beautiful and that they should love themselves. We tell little girls to have self-confidence and that they can be anything they want to be. But then, and often with the same breath, we suggest they can be beautiful (or confident) only when they are not quite themselves. We sell women (both young and old) products to “fix” or “improve” their appearance — wrinkle removers, concealers, eyelash enhancers, and other colorful cover-ups. We do. 

My final wish is - our society views makeup as an optional accessory as opposed to the required response to any perceived deficiency. I am a woman capable of self-confidence and self-love, and I no longer allow my face to feel like a façade.

“GROWING” in a relationship!

For me, “growing” in a relationship means the following:

• Your partner begins to see you more positively than you see yourself. You might be insecure about a feature or two about you, but they find you attractive always. They encourage you to be yourself.
• Your partner's good habits rub off on you—including health, finance, lifestyle, or psychological habits.
• Your relationship provides practical and emotional support that allows you to pursue your personal goals.
• You begin to persist hard things & difficult situations in life together - as two mature people. Such things grow you together and not apart.
• Your relationship helps you learn to trust that another person is dependable and emotionally available to you.
• When tiny things don’t hurt and resentments don’t creep up on you both - when there are no unspoken, unconscious issues present or overlooked in your relationship.
• When you have the best communication, you speak and listen to one another with intense presence, honesty, patience, and compassion.
• When there’s no comparison of what jobs people have, their homes, their clothes. When you don’t look to see what the grass looks like on the other side. You’re happy with the view out your own front door and you cherish that.
• One of the most important sentiments of human love is intimacy, that means, "in-to-me-see." Desire serves as the connection between love and sex that gets liveliness and spontaneity in your lives and in the relationship. Love is the best aphrodisiac.
• When playfulness, creativity, and commitment help you maintain your freedom that lets you breathe while also remaining deeply connected to your partner.
• When you do not let small anger accumulate & sort things before you call it a day.
• When you work together for a better life and repeat how grateful you’re for having each other around.
• When you share curiosity for same things & sometimes take an interest in what interests the other person too.
• When you go the extra mile for them, relationships cannot be 50–50 all the time. It has to be unconditional at times.

Why are relationships so demanding?

Relationships are demanding. Because :

1. EXPECTATIONS: Most people have unrealistic expectations from their relationship & are not ready to work on it when they see the red flags.

2. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT: When conflicts arise, people are less curious to listen to the other side’s concerns & learn from each other, rather they just want to win and prove they’re right.

3. SELF AWARENESS: The only way out of mutual wounding is to develop self-awareness, examine our childhood/teenage histories and the wounds they created, build tolerance, learn the language of effective communication. This process is empowering & liberating. Unintentionally we make our partner suffer for our past bad experiences.

4. 24/7 ROMANCE BUBBLE: Accept that it won’t be all romance and flowers — and enjoy the special moments you have.

5. TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED: Once we feel comfortable in a relationship, we have a tendency to take everything for granted. We forget to do what it takes to express gratefulness and keep lovely moments fresh.

6. STAYING ON THE SAME PAGE: It can be hard to be on the same page at the same time. Communicate! This will help tremendously in the long run.

Book Review #134 : Dented & Painted

The anthology “Dented & Painted” comprises of 23 remarkable short stories. The cover of the collection is beautiful and attractive. The collection is penned down by author Tirupathi Khemka. This book is a must read for all humans due to the depleting mentality of our society. Harsh reality is portrayed that shows you the mirror unto society. 

Dented & Painted is appalling in its tone and subject. The stories begin with the opening lines in italics which store in them the essence of the whole story and ends with question marks that leave your mind ticking. These life changing stories shake the insides of your soul. It deals with some of the highly sensitive issues prevailing in our society at large. Each story is instilled with sheer pain, misery & struggle. The complexities of women’s life, how they are tortured, subdued, and tormented, and how they fight back are narrated by the author. The language is bold and comprehensive. On the whole, the collection is nicely compiled and stories are engrossing and have a power that grips you from within. As you continue reading these stories, you develop a strong sense of connection with the theme of feminism. The author has poured his heart into these stories. 

‘Male chauvinist pigs’ are well-exposed. The mind-blowing stories are an eye-opener and make you question so many things. The narrative is quite strong and details are well written. Sometimes the pace gets fast, though the emotions are well maintained. True reality is pictured which pinches you somewhere, depicting the cruelty of patriarchal society in which we continue to live. The stories expose a wide horizon of themes from prostitution to rapes, women as victims to women as fighters, the sufferings of women to struggles of women, women as creators to the women as destructors, the divine to the not so divine women, and many more. I can't get a few stories out of my mind; they were very impactful. I felt proud of a few ladies, yet felt sad for some. 

Dented & Painted is a complete page turner. It leaves your eyes moist with tears and you feel how crippled you have become by letting others dominate you and decide things for you. The author has made very interesting and keen observations before penning down each one of these wonderful pieces of writing. Kudos to him for his brilliant attempt! He proved the power of pen and the wonders that it can do. 

Ratings: 4.5/5

Give Her A Break! #HappyMothersDay

When I say that I need a break, I'm not talking about wanting a vacation or a treat as a reward for doing my job. Needing a break doesn't mean that I'm seeking a respite from my responsibilities or that I want to put my feet up. It means that I need a moment to feel like a human being in the midst of a relentless life where I don't belong to myself anymore; where I give my love and energy away, every moment of my existence, and can't figure out how to keep any for myself. I just need a few minutes to not be on edge, working my nerves and spirits raw for the safety and happiness and health of my kids. I just need a moment to remember who I am, to not feel worried and harried and invisible. I need a second to catch my breath, to make my own choices, to try to love myself, for a moment. My breaks might allow me to think my own thoughts for a few moments.

- A Mother

Motherhood is challenging. We love you, Moms. We do. And, thank you. For EVERYTHING. #HappyMothersDay

Book Review #133 : Good Vibes, Good Life

Want to better yourself? This book will help you get there!

Firstly, I was taken aback by the simple but truly pleasing design and aesthetics of the book - it looks so beautiful sitting on my study desk!

Good Vibes, Good Life by Vex King is a Self Help book in which the author talks about very important things like self-love, humility, failure, meditation, empowering thoughts and living a greater life. There are so many references to other books and scientific principles which makes me believe that all the things which are being talked about are well researched. There are so many things in this book which a person might already know but has perhaps forgotten about. There are numerous life lessons which have the potential to change a person's life.

The book is primarily based on the Law of Vibration which affects our entire being. When paid attention to and used for good, it helps a person to achieve success, peace and happiness. I really liked the fact that so many other aspects of life such as fear, anxiety and negativity in general are being dealt with in the book and practical solutions are being provided to deal with them. I also liked the fact that the author has not belittled the impact of these things but has rather discussed the situations which he faced in his life and how he dealt with them. Life is not painted as picture perfect heavenly ride but numerous solutions are provided to deal with difficult situations which makes this book a helpful read.

I would suggest you to read this book at a slow pace so that you can introspect and think through the solutions provided in this book to make your life better. It is a book that guides you while being packed with honest and insightful perspectives.

I have learnt that self-love is not just a concept but rather an art to be mastered. I think that the interpretation of self-love can often become confused with being selfish or inconsiderate. However, it is rather an embodiment of ‘empowerment and liberation’; something which I in fact once found difficult to comprehend and understand. By Vex King splitting the book into seven parts, he allows the reader to clearly follow the journey to finding their purpose, practicing self-love beautifully and achieving ultimate happiness. By breaking the path into stages, one is able to fully explore and focus on different aspects of their life to wholly develop as a person.

One thing which really struck is me how we are the creator of our own lives. We hold the power. What we want we can have if we set the right intention and act. Anything that happens in our life (not only ourselves but our sphere of influence, experiences and painful moments) are a result of our own emotions, thoughts and actions. “So if you are thinking the same thoughts and you know that your thoughts create your reality- then same thoughts lead to the same choices, the same choices lead to the same behaviours, the same behaviours create the same experiences, the same experiences produce the same feelings and the same feelings drive the very same thoughts.” It becomes an endless cycle. Thus, to gain control of our thoughts we must be able to understand our emotions and be able to process them so that we can control our reactions. Only then can we transform them so they have a positively impact.

I would like to say that King’s meticulous, considered structure, easy to read yet complex and inspiring content and most importantly his kindness, genuineness, authenticity and passion not only make ‘Good Vibes Good Life’ an resonant book to remember but also portrays a beautiful journey to one leading a life of purpose, possibility and positivity.

Verdict: Amazing from start to finish. This is a book that everyone can relate to and is a brilliant guide to raising your vibration and self-love. There's no hidden meaning. Vex has literally laid everything out for you. This book has definitely helped me a lot. The self-growth I intend to achieve is something I owe to myself. Living a life, I truly love is the journey that excites me!

Overall, a 'CANNOT put down' book! 😊

Ratings: 5/5

Book Review #123 : 'Til Health Do Us Part

In this well-crafted memoir, author Rooney chronicles her journey towards holistic wellness as she healed from a host of debilitating diseases and her family falling apart.

She introduces readers to her past through flashbacks—physical and sexual abuse as a child, her joyful marriage disintegrating as her husband’s career progressed, and dozens of doctors piling on diagnoses and medications. In 2010, Rooney’s life took a life-altering turn when she moved to Hawaii and met Xavier, a shrewd, composed Eastern healer who guided her towards health with constant probing. Xavier’s enduring patience with her fuels her sense of humor which allows her to express her true feelings. With his help, she thrived and separated herself from the toxic environment of her family, established a healthy diet, and learned to nurture herself. But the biggest hurdle was weaning herself from the heavy medications she had become dependent on for years. As she made monumental strides to improve physically, she also engaged in the grueling emotional work of overcoming the pattern of self-destruction rooted in an inability to love herself. 

The author takes you through her personal transformation, kicking & screaming, as she experiences her awakening realizing that her choices are creating her reality. This book is a soul’s journey, a spiritual story, told by a woman as she discovers that the body, mind & breath are all connected. She comes to realize that her emotional state of consciousness is creating her physical challenges. Xavier helps her to connect with that inner voice which becomes the pivotal trigger that propels her forward with confidence in knowing she has established her connection to her essence. 

Rooney’s writing style is genuine and engaging; short chapters keep the pace lively. The chapters usually ended with a statement that enticed me to keep reading. The narrative weaves seamlessly between what is she experiences in Hawaii, her childhood and young adult years, and the years during which her diseases progress. Not even a physician can fix a person if they're not willing to participate in their own healing. She captures Xavier’s advice in memorable stories and phrases, like his observation that in healing, “there’s a point…where you stop swimming away from something and begin to swim towards something.”

Julie’s honest reflection & relationship with her emotional state of mind throughout the process of healing radiated with so much honesty. You can feel her sorrow when she realizes that she needs to listen to & depend on her own intuitive voice in order to go forward & be truly healthy and happy. I'm inspired and uplifted, and the writing, injected with humor and passion, makes this book worth sharing with anyone I know! Her total healing is raw and remarkable. Quite the courageous lady. 

Verdict : An astonishing yet plausible story of recovery told with authenticity and a healthy dose of humor. Would recommend this book to anyone really wanting to understand what true health is all about.

Rating : 5/5

P.S : This book was provided to me in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.

I Love You — Now Change Yourself For Me

What happens when you try and change the person you love? They love you back a little less? No, well that doesn’t happen directly. Essentially, the person you claim to love, starts loving himself/herself lesser. And I strongly believe, you cannot serve from an empty vessel. If they don’t love themselves enough, they cannot love you enough, as well.

When you change the way they look or dress, or for that matter take away who they are- by not being accepting of their passion, they no longer remain the person you fell in the first place for. Some people change others for the need of everything being a “certain way” they want things to be.

You shouldn’t feel pressured to drop all of your interests. That is not a sign of a healthy relationship. If you have a strong sense of how you like to look, then by all means, don’t change. If you're happy with how you dress, and it feels like an honest reflection of your personality and your wardrobe makes you feel in Beast Mode every day, then definitely don't let them tell you to change your appearance to suit their preferences. But if you end up changing how you dress, in a way that feels negative, you will hate yourself for it, if not immediately, but surely later.

This is a conscious rethink we need to develop our minds into, that changing someone unless it is a really bad habit - that affects their health, is not cool. This too should not be a command/demand, but a healthy request.

Real love is not asking someone to change himself/herself for you. I believe people change, and sometimes, people change for people, sadly. Which sucks. We humans, have this amazingly illusional habit of “fixing” others. The thinking here is if he/she loved you enough, they would perhaps change. It is intoxicating. Trying to change your partner interferes with your ability to practice forgiveness. When you try to change them, you are always looking for flaws.

You’ll be inclined to bend on many things that are a part of your personality, if you really, really love the person — but , but, it’s a bad idea to do so, all the time.

Don’t resort to fixing or changing someone. That will only create resistance in relationships. Let love change you for better, not your loved one. And even when required, compromises and adjustments shouldn’t just be one ended. Remember, there is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing you are doing wrong. You are worthy of feeling peace and being accepted just the way you are. You are enough exactly as you are.

Nothing you say, nothing you do and nothing you wish for is going to motivate another person to make long-term change if they do not internalize the need for it. You should change, not because you’re being asked or because someone else thinks it’s good for the relationship, but because you, inside yourself, wish to be different.

Love someone where they are, not where you want them to be. It is very basic to show respect for the other person’s autonomy. Relationships are based on compromise because, despite rom-com fantasies, there is no such thing as a “perfect fit” between people. There are some “almost-there” fits and “pretty close” fits, but you’re never going to find someone who just so happens to conform exactly to the life you’ve established as a single person.

You should never let yourself believe things like, “If only I were different, this person would love me more.” That line of thinking is destructive; your partner should love you for your core self , your soul and your essence.

Love is not a power play, not roles and dynamics and shoes you must fill. You don’t need to become something better just to have someone’s affection, even if the other person’s intentions are pure. If the changes are insignificant or reasonable, it is acceptable. But you can’t make someone change for your reasons, or even the right reasons—an individual changes because he or she wants to. For themselves. Not for you.

All in all, it’s a wonderful thing to learn from a lover. If they can introduce you to new ideas, concepts, and experiences, your relationship will be all the richer. But don’t let it take over and influence what you have been, before they even entered your life. Don’t betray who you are. You need to be open to small changes for one another, but you cannot have a personality transplant, all of a sudden.

Imperfect, raw, and real. Proud being that way.

Power Of Thoughts - 5 Ways To A Good Day!

We go to sleep each night and wake up in the morning to a new day with new opportunities - a day filled with the power and freedom to choose. The minute we wake up, we can choose to get out of bed and make the most of our day or press the snooze button, roll over, pull the blankets over our head, and feel dread about the day ahead. This is nobody's choice but ours. Generally, the way we start our day influences how we feel for the rest of the day.

5 ways in which I start my day off on a positive note:

1. When you wake up in the morning, take a few minutes to check-in (go within). Take a few deep breathes and find something that you're grateful for (your children, partner, your health, the warm bed you are in, nature outside your window). Take this time to be thankful for all that you have in your life instead of wasting your energy on thinking about what you don't have.

2. Instead of pouncing straight out of bed, spend 5 to 10 minutes (or however long it takes) meditating. Simply observe your breath. Breathe in for a count of 4 to 5, allowing your belly and chest to expand, and breathe out also for a count of 4 to 5 allowing everything to drop away. Notice how your breath enters your body, notice how your breath leaves your body, and notice the little pause between each breath. This will allow you to create a sense of peace within and it will also help get you into a good head space before your feet touch the ground.

3. Take a few moments while in the shower and/or while eating breakfast just to be present. Feel the water on your skin, taste the different flavours in your food. It feels good and it's an amazing way to consciously set your energy and intention towards your day.

4. Before breakfast have large glass of water with half a lemon squeezed into it and you may even like to add some ginger. This will assist with digestion and is effective in body cleansing and detoxification - it will help get things moving. Follow this with a nutritious breakfast to kick-start your metabolism and fuel your body to face the day ahead. You have just had maybe ten to twelve hours of fasting - your body needs sustenance and is ready to be refuelled, so skipping breakfast is a big no, no!

5. Get clear about your intentions for the day. For example you can intend to have a productive day. You can intend to have quality time with your family and friends with no distractions. You can intend to have a fun and brilliant day. You can intend to have a calm and peaceful day. You can intend to learn something new or be helpful to someone. Whatever it is just be clear about what it is you want your day to be. In order to create, manifest, and attract it, you must first align your heart, mind, and spirit with your intention. In other words, you truly need to feel it!

Many people don't understand the power of thoughts, because they live every day on autopilot, doing most things out of habit, and therefore they create their reality unconsciously, as if they’re wearing a blindfold. But whether we’re aware of it or not, we create our reality with our thoughts and behaviour - and this means we have the power to choose to be a conscious, mindful creator and change our reality to what we really want it to be. Remember, you choose your thoughts, you choose your behavior, you choose the outcome. And every choice you make determines how you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Now, let me ask you this: How do you start your day? Is it with gratification and happiness—or doom and gloom? A day is easily ruined if started by holding onto negativity and resentment. So when you wake tomorrow, ask yourself, do I want to think and act like I did yesterday, or do I choose to be a new me today?

Happiness : An Inside Job :)

Everything is always changing. 

"There is a cause-and-effect lawfulness that governs all unfolding experience. 

"What I do matters, but I am not in charge. Suffering results from struggling with what is beyond my control. [pp. 27-28]” 

― Sylvia Boorstein 

Happiness comes from within. It took me too long to understand this. 26 years, probably. As I write this post, I want you to know - 

Our ego wounded self is often very attached to a “project,” such as: 

• Once I have a partner, (or a different partner) then I will be happy. 

• Once I have enough money, then I will be happy. 

• Once I have the house (or car, or motorcycle, etc.), then I will be happy. 

• Once I have a baby, then I will be happy. 

• Once I lose weight, then I will be happy. 

• Once I have the right job, then I will be happy. 

• Once I move out of this city, then I will be happy. 

As long as you believe that your happiness is connected to something external, you will not be happy now. And there will always be something else — a different partner, more money, a different place to live or a different job — that will keep you from being happy now. 

“Having control over getting what I believe will make me happy is what’s important. I refuse to be happy until I have what I want!” Such a myth! 

It is very common these days, a lot of people in their search for happiness, search for it not within themselves but in other people and in material things. Many of them, including me, because we have been conditioned to believe so. 

If you are searching for it, remember, it means you lack it. You will never get happiness if you don’t know what it is to be happy within yourself. Our emotions are a result of our thoughts. It all starts from our thoughts which create our emotions. 

Our thoughts are a consequence of our reactions to various events that can happen in our life. It’s how we react to the problems, that create our state of mind, therefore we need to have a good attitude in life, in fact, Happiness is also an attitude of mind. Program yourself to be happy. Always. 

We also need to discover the things that make us unhappy and seek to avoid those. 

You need to realize that Happiness coming from material things is just illusory, temporary, is not really happiness but just pleasure. If we chase happiness in material things, our pursuit for happiness will never end. Chasing happiness only leads to pain and suffering. 

You already have everything that you need in order to be happy and live an extraordinary life. It resides within you. 

An ah-ha moment for me was learning about what really creates happiness; you can change your thought pattern about the situation or circumstance. Happiness is an inside job that requires work to be done in other words you have to work on changing your outlook on things. 

1. Gratitude - It is one of the most important rituals that I practice in my daily life. I believe that it is through the process of gratitude that we experience the purest form of joy. In doing so, we are able to cultivate a mindset that focuses on the positive. 

2. Self-love - It is the key to happiness. The best way to honour yourself is by listening to what it needs. This is where the power of a morning ritual comes into play. It is one of the secrets to success of some of the happiest people in the world. 

3. Mornings - Research shows that your mood in the morning affects your emotional state for the rest of the day. What makes you happy first thing in the morning? Commit to doing it because you deserve the love that you so freely give to others. 

As long as you believe that your happiness comes from outside you, happiness will likely elude you. Every moment that you look to people, things, events and outcomes to make you happy is a moment of life lost. Every moment spent trying to control someone or something in the hopes of getting what you believe will make you happy is a moment of happiness and joy lost. 

Happiness is not something that happens to you. It is something you choose or don’t choose each and every moment. Today, choose to be aware of what you are attaching your happiness to, and consciously limit the thoughts about what you believe you need externally to be happy. 

There’s a difference between transitory happiness and genuine happiness. As relative as it may sound, as I see Life more and more, deeper, the less I believe Happiness has anything to do with external factors. 

I have seen the happiest beggars and the most unhappy millionaires. I have seen grateful women who could never become mothers, and others ungrateful after even being blessed with their heirs. I have seen Love under moonlit skies and I have also seen no love under a palace. 

The transitory nature of this type of happiness – only leads us to crave more and more. This put us into an endless cycle of seeking the next object or experience that will bring gratification. 

Being content doesn’t mean you can’t have goals...yes they are necessary and need to be achieved, but happiness lies in where you are right now, being the person you are right now, and being perfectly happy in it. 

When you stop the mental commentary and you simply remain in the present, all of your suffering from the mental stories that you create are gone. Suffering is an inside job, and so is happiness. There is always something beautiful to witness. You can be locked in prison in solitary confinement, yet you can find beauty in the silver of sunshine that enters your cell. A dying person’s heartbeat can be a soothing sound in the final moments of his or her life. 

MORAL : Build happiness inside of you, and the world will automatically be a happier place. 

NOT A Feminist, But A HUMANIST

Please be instrumental in encouraging the women around you with their careers. It is so, so vital. Let her do something she ENJOYS doing. It is the 21st century. See what she puts her 100 % into, what she loves investing her time into, why would you find it objectionable? Does she being better than you, smarter than you, scare you? If it does, I am so sorry to let you know, how inferior you are - in your little brain as well as in your personality.

I don’t see how she “working” or doing something unconventional as a career make you question if she’s a threat to your family reputation (when marriage is concerned)? HOW!?

Dear Society, you need to accept strong headed, independent women. IT’S HIGH TIME! And people, ask for SUPPORTIVE MARRIAGE, and not a DOMINATING one! And, no, I am NOT a feminist here, I am being a HUMANIST. I prefer critical thinking over any social dogma, always. Besides, it is one of the basic rights, for a person to do what he/she loves to do! Don’t kill their vibes and the essence of ‘them being them’.

Body Shaming #YouAreEnough #SayNoToBodyShaming #TabooTalk

The action or practice of humiliating someone by making mocking or critical comments about their body shape or size or complexion is ‘body shaming’. 

Did you ever stop and think about how often we are told to change our appearance? Magazines constantly offer tips about how to lose weight “in days,” appear slimmer “instantly,” and hide our “imperfections”… without actually knowing anything about us, much less our appearance. This is one example of body-shaming, and it is everywhere. 

Sitcoms so frequently use overweight characters’ bodies as the basis of many of the show’s jokes. It has become the norm to criticize aspects of our bodies as some type of bonding experience with friends. Body-shaming (criticizing yourself or others because of some aspect of physical appearance) can lead to a vicious cycle of judgment and criticism. It is said that it is desirable to look slimmer, smaller, and tanner. And if we don’t, we worry that we are at risk of being the target of someone else’s body-shaming comments. 

Body-shaming manifests in many ways: 

1) Criticizing your own appearance, through a judgment or comparison to another person. (i.e.: “I’m so ugly compared to her.” “Look at how broad my shoulders are.”) 

2) Criticizing another’s appearance in front of them, (i.e.: “With those thighs, you’re never going to find a date.”) 

3) Criticizing another’s appearance without their knowledge. (i.e.: “Did you see what she’s wearing today? Not flattering.” “At least you don’t look like her!”). 

No matter how this manifests, it often leads to comparison and shame, and perpetuates the idea that people should be judged mainly for their physical features. Learn to accept yourself and boost your self esteem and lift others up. 

I would love to know your thoughts and experiences about it, comment below how you dealt with it. Is body shaming an issue you have encounter? Let’s make it interactive, please! Hopefully, the trend will begin to shift from body-shaming to celebrating women of all sizes, shapes & colors.

Second Chances In Life

"I have become convinced that God thoroughly enjoys fixing and saving things that are broken. That means that no matter how hurt and defeated you feel, no matter how badly you have been damaged, God can repair you. God can give anyone a second chance." -Melody Carlson

GIVING YOURSELF SECOND CHANCES

Second chances are the greatest gifts to yourself. The opportunity of a second chance is a new beginning, the ability to right a wrong, to encourage love, to ask for forgiveness. It can be life altering.

Damaged people can survive. There are points in our lives when we are damaged -emotionally, mentally and you feel like you are stranded on an island, all by yourself. We forget our abilities on such tough days.

Sooner or later, we all go through a crucible. Most believe there are two types of people who go into a crucible. The ones who become stronger from the experience and survive it, and the ones who die. 
 

So choose yourself. Value life. TRUST, LIVE!

At one of stage of my life, my fear and depression decided the fate of my life. However, today, I am the one who is ruling it. I morphed from a damaged to happy personality. And, I believe I am capable of follow the steps, that surely turns me into happy person in future.

Life can knock us down, especially when we’re faced with problems that seem almost impossible to overcome. But that doesn’t mean you should give up. Try and try until things get better because you deserve all the wonderful things this life can offer. So go ahead, make mistakes, learn from them and live life to the fullest.

Carl Jung, the Swiss psychologist, was the first to coin the term “synchronicity” as a synonym for “meaningful coincidence.” Synchronistic events may at first appear to be random, but actually reveal a deeper meaning and order in one’s life.

Synchronicity often happens during major life changes. Significant loss, a new birth, personal crisis, and illness are powerful breeding grounds for synchronicity. It’s as if your soul is inviting you to take a new direction in your life. If you stay open and aware, you’ll start to notice synchronous events that act as guides for your next steps. By looking deeply at general themes or patterns that emerge, you can see where in your life your soul is asking you to grow. 
 

So instead of sulking and feeling gloomy and let desolation creep in because of your failure, let there be a ray of hope – a hope to get that hard-to-get second chance, which may transform your life in a way that you always wanted and waited for. Second chance that can give a new meaning to your existence and help you regain the lost confidence that is affecting your happiness. Second chance that would determine how serious you are about things that matter in your life! Second chance that’ll help you take a decision whether you still can fight against all odds and make things sail smooth.

Look around, analyze situations and ask yourself - Hasn’t life been kind to you ever? Has life always given you miseries and then not giving you a chance to correct your mistakes? Can’t be the case! It’s might be the case that you haven’t been attentive enough to notice and grab that second chance that came your way at some point. So it’s your mistake and you are at fault. If you have become used to living with regrets and don’t want to take or give second chances, then it’s not fair to blame life either.

GIVING OTHERS A SECOND CHANCE

Giving someone a second chance doesn’t mean that you “lost” as if life were a game where we keep score. The second chance is a process of self-healing. It is an opportunity for self-growth. The second chance is your new beginning to make a difference in yourself and your life.

There are many reasons that we wish to have a second chance. Perhaps, you want to mend something or a relationship with someone or pass that one exam. It may be because you made some sort of misstep on your career path. Or you have made mistakes in a past relationship and want to rekindle that relationship. Whatever it is, you want another opportunity, and you want to make some changes in yourself. In essence, the second chance is about just that: an opportunity.

Giving someone a second chance means trusting them again, it means believing that against all odds that they can rehabilitate themselves or abstain from creating the same problems. It means faith, and an understanding of what it is to be an imperfect human being.

The truth is - 
 

We’re all capable of terrible things. We all do damage. But we are all creatures of redemption, if we seek it. First, we have to give ourselves a second chance. No matter what mistake we’ve made or how many of them we have made, there are more of them to come. Each time we have to learn to forgive ourselves, and to teach ourselves an unwritten lesson.

More than the chances that others have given to me, I’m thankful of the second chances that I have given others. Some did deserve them, while others definitely didn’t. Whether they sabotaged their stroke of luck is irrelevant, because I’ll never be left to wonder if people are capable of change.

Embrace second chances!