Why I Don't Wear Makeup Anymore!

Well, up until 2018, I used to love wearing makeup. But, that was a way of concealing my acne marks & a curiosity to try new makeup that my favorite influencer then promoted! Lol.

Mid 2018, I started taking care of my skin! Skin is your body's largest organ. It serves as a protective barrier between your insides and the rest of the world. I learnt, proper skin care is vital. It's about staying healthy. Taking care of your skin is not something you do ‘now and then’, but on a daily basis! How your skin will look in ten or twenty years, depends on the way you care for it now.

Skin is constantly growing and changing, so you have to remain vigilant in caring for it. Keep your skin hydrated by drinking plenty of water throughout the day and try maintaining a balanced diet. Always make sure to use sunblock if you're going to spend time outside. Once your skin is crystal clear, you’ll realize you no longer need more than maybe - a mascara and a lipstick. That’s all I use NOW. 

Makeup can only enhance your appearance. But good skin care can make you feel good even from within. Plus, when I don’t have a zillion step makeup routine, it takes me less time to get ready for work in the mornings. Also, you can’t rinse your face so often – in summer, in the sun, because of the heat the skin needs to breathe more and with makeup it can’t. You can’t rub your eyes- or else you know - Panda eyes!

Even for my wedding, I was adamant that I wanted to look like me — not some idealized version of myself that I’d be unable to maintain indefinitely. My partner was not marrying some “new and improved,” dyed, painted, or slimmer version of me, after all. I did wear makeup, but just as much as I would still look & feel like myself. 

While I do feel more polished wearing some cosmetic covering, I also see the potential within myself of not being able to face the world with my bare face. I remember days when I worked back then - I would follow each step from primer to lipstick & then makeup fixer, just to hide my acne scars. I didn’t want to become dependent on makeup. I don’t ever want to feel naked or unattractive without it.

I think that makeup can be a tool of misogyny. When it is not used from a perspective of self-love, makeup can breed bouts of self-hatred in women — or at least dissatisfaction. Makeup made me look for my face’s flaws rather than accepting my face as it is. I started to wonder what else / which products I need to improve or cover up with this or that color. Are my lips well enough defined? Do my cheeks have the right hue? Is my complexion all right?

We tell women that they’re beautiful and that they should love themselves. We tell little girls to have self-confidence and that they can be anything they want to be. But then, and often with the same breath, we suggest they can be beautiful (or confident) only when they are not quite themselves. We sell women (both young and old) products to “fix” or “improve” their appearance — wrinkle removers, concealers, eyelash enhancers, and other colorful cover-ups. We do. 

My final wish is - our society views makeup as an optional accessory as opposed to the required response to any perceived deficiency. I am a woman capable of self-confidence and self-love, and I no longer allow my face to feel like a façade.

“GROWING” in a relationship!

For me, “growing” in a relationship means the following:

• Your partner begins to see you more positively than you see yourself. You might be insecure about a feature or two about you, but they find you attractive always. They encourage you to be yourself.
• Your partner's good habits rub off on you—including health, finance, lifestyle, or psychological habits.
• Your relationship provides practical and emotional support that allows you to pursue your personal goals.
• You begin to persist hard things & difficult situations in life together - as two mature people. Such things grow you together and not apart.
• Your relationship helps you learn to trust that another person is dependable and emotionally available to you.
• When tiny things don’t hurt and resentments don’t creep up on you both - when there are no unspoken, unconscious issues present or overlooked in your relationship.
• When you have the best communication, you speak and listen to one another with intense presence, honesty, patience, and compassion.
• When there’s no comparison of what jobs people have, their homes, their clothes. When you don’t look to see what the grass looks like on the other side. You’re happy with the view out your own front door and you cherish that.
• One of the most important sentiments of human love is intimacy, that means, "in-to-me-see." Desire serves as the connection between love and sex that gets liveliness and spontaneity in your lives and in the relationship. Love is the best aphrodisiac.
• When playfulness, creativity, and commitment help you maintain your freedom that lets you breathe while also remaining deeply connected to your partner.
• When you do not let small anger accumulate & sort things before you call it a day.
• When you work together for a better life and repeat how grateful you’re for having each other around.
• When you share curiosity for same things & sometimes take an interest in what interests the other person too.
• When you go the extra mile for them, relationships cannot be 50–50 all the time. It has to be unconditional at times.

Why are relationships so demanding?

Relationships are demanding. Because :

1. EXPECTATIONS: Most people have unrealistic expectations from their relationship & are not ready to work on it when they see the red flags.

2. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT: When conflicts arise, people are less curious to listen to the other side’s concerns & learn from each other, rather they just want to win and prove they’re right.

3. SELF AWARENESS: The only way out of mutual wounding is to develop self-awareness, examine our childhood/teenage histories and the wounds they created, build tolerance, learn the language of effective communication. This process is empowering & liberating. Unintentionally we make our partner suffer for our past bad experiences.

4. 24/7 ROMANCE BUBBLE: Accept that it won’t be all romance and flowers — and enjoy the special moments you have.

5. TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED: Once we feel comfortable in a relationship, we have a tendency to take everything for granted. We forget to do what it takes to express gratefulness and keep lovely moments fresh.

6. STAYING ON THE SAME PAGE: It can be hard to be on the same page at the same time. Communicate! This will help tremendously in the long run.

4 Super Useful Things I Suggest You Do - That Need 30 Seconds Or Less!

There are so many things that need 30 seconds or even less. Here are a few, I would suggest! :)

1. Boost Your Confidence and Reduce Stress (POWER POSE!): Find a quiet place. Stand up straight and lift your chin. Keep a straight posture and a superhero stance. This releases confidence-boosting testosterone instantly! You can try doing this prior to an interview or public speech. Or it can simple be used to help with stress!

2. Micro-meditate: Take that tiny bit of time, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to build mindfulness in this digital age. This helps in clearing your head, especially when you’re in the middle of the day & feeling anxious.

3. Stretch: 30 seconds is pretty much the perfect amount of time to hold a stretch! It is relaxing, soothing and makes you flexible!

4. Pay your online bill(s): It only takes a few seconds to fill up your card details and pay up. It decreases your debt/pending payments. It's great adulting! ;)

Book Review #134 : Dented & Painted

The anthology “Dented & Painted” comprises of 23 remarkable short stories. The cover of the collection is beautiful and attractive. The collection is penned down by author Tirupathi Khemka. This book is a must read for all humans due to the depleting mentality of our society. Harsh reality is portrayed that shows you the mirror unto society. 

Dented & Painted is appalling in its tone and subject. The stories begin with the opening lines in italics which store in them the essence of the whole story and ends with question marks that leave your mind ticking. These life changing stories shake the insides of your soul. It deals with some of the highly sensitive issues prevailing in our society at large. Each story is instilled with sheer pain, misery & struggle. The complexities of women’s life, how they are tortured, subdued, and tormented, and how they fight back are narrated by the author. The language is bold and comprehensive. On the whole, the collection is nicely compiled and stories are engrossing and have a power that grips you from within. As you continue reading these stories, you develop a strong sense of connection with the theme of feminism. The author has poured his heart into these stories. 

‘Male chauvinist pigs’ are well-exposed. The mind-blowing stories are an eye-opener and make you question so many things. The narrative is quite strong and details are well written. Sometimes the pace gets fast, though the emotions are well maintained. True reality is pictured which pinches you somewhere, depicting the cruelty of patriarchal society in which we continue to live. The stories expose a wide horizon of themes from prostitution to rapes, women as victims to women as fighters, the sufferings of women to struggles of women, women as creators to the women as destructors, the divine to the not so divine women, and many more. I can't get a few stories out of my mind; they were very impactful. I felt proud of a few ladies, yet felt sad for some. 

Dented & Painted is a complete page turner. It leaves your eyes moist with tears and you feel how crippled you have become by letting others dominate you and decide things for you. The author has made very interesting and keen observations before penning down each one of these wonderful pieces of writing. Kudos to him for his brilliant attempt! He proved the power of pen and the wonders that it can do. 

Ratings: 4.5/5

Give Her A Break! #HappyMothersDay

When I say that I need a break, I'm not talking about wanting a vacation or a treat as a reward for doing my job. Needing a break doesn't mean that I'm seeking a respite from my responsibilities or that I want to put my feet up. It means that I need a moment to feel like a human being in the midst of a relentless life where I don't belong to myself anymore; where I give my love and energy away, every moment of my existence, and can't figure out how to keep any for myself. I just need a few minutes to not be on edge, working my nerves and spirits raw for the safety and happiness and health of my kids. I just need a moment to remember who I am, to not feel worried and harried and invisible. I need a second to catch my breath, to make my own choices, to try to love myself, for a moment. My breaks might allow me to think my own thoughts for a few moments.

- A Mother

Motherhood is challenging. We love you, Moms. We do. And, thank you. For EVERYTHING. #HappyMothersDay

10 Lessons I Learnt From The Lock-down & Covid-19 Pandemic!

The first few days of the lock down were enjoyable, but as days went by, I’ve been feeling different degrees of anxiety, restlessness and despair. The prolonged lock down has been impacting our mental well-being in the face of a seemingly invisible pandemic. I’ve personally been disoriented, but here’s what I’ve learnt out of it:

1. The Art of Delegating & Prioritizing Tasks on a daily basis! This is a skill that I believe everyone should master. The problem is that many of us are trying to micromanage tasks and the people around us. But, micromanaging drains all your mental energy on tasks that don’t matter. By learning to delegate, you can free up your time and mental space for important tasks. Many of us lack the skill to prioritize. But, I learnt this art to increase productivity and output. I believe that the biggest reason why people fail at prioritizing tasks is that they lack daily planning. This is one thing I learnt in 2020 - plan daily, strike off tasks. Some days I do suck at it and am the most unproductive, but mostly I do try & accomplish what I have planned to do in a day. These skills were important to learn - as I am no longer all here & there in my head about finishing things and I exactly know what task is for which day.
2. Have a structure for your day in place. By this, I don’t mean you’ve got to be productive all the time. NO. But knowing the tasks and activities to be done sorts your head-space. It protects you against too much idle time, boredom, and feeling trapped within your own home.
3. Fear helps us to protect ourselves from threat or danger, and we’re facing a global pandemic. Fear is a natural and adaptive response, but do take breaks from fear triggers.
4. Balance your thinking & negative thoughts. Focus on the facts and let go of what you don’t know.
5. Be critical of your news consumption. This situation has made many of us obsessed with watching news & disease stats every now and then. Know that, less news intake is a whole lot more. Staying up to date is important, but getting too caught up in the media reports can be a trap. Misrepresented facts may actually increase anxiety.
6. Let’s be action oriented. There can be a rise in addictions, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, depression, loss of identity and function, and relationship difficulties. Prioritize your mental health, read and indulge in activities that help you release stress.
7. A LOT can be done from home. Until a couple of weeks ago, working from home did not even seem like an option to most people. Until there was no other choice. And then it occurred to us, how almost everything that we did in the office can be done at home.
8. Buying less is possible. Save more. Lock down has posed a threat to many people’s salaries and work security. I suddenly realized I just stopped spending money unnecessarily on Nykaa, Amazon, etc. Lock down made it easier to tell the difference between the things I WANT and the things I NEED. Also given the oncoming recession, it is important to not spend on unimportant items.
9. I learnt professional skills & upskilled myself. Organizations like Coursera have been offering several free certification courses to people during the lockdown period. Make the most of them.
10. I learnt the ability to appreciate true sense of freedom. When news about the lock down in Wuhan started circulating in January, the measures taken by the Chinese government seemed draconian. It seemed impossible that these rules would soon apply to all of us, here in India! This unprecedented state has made us appreciate all of the little things that made up our lives before all this started. We were free to get a haircut, go to the gym, buy groceries & much more. We were free to buy coffee made by a stranger. We were free to visit our family and see our friends whenever we pleased. This lock down has taught me how valuable and indispensable this personal autonomy is.

Stay grounded in the present, and reach out to others when needed. The world as we know it will never be the same, and I hope neither will we. If we are privileged enough to survive this, let’s hope we break from the past and enter the world anew, carrying a fresh perspective and a greater sense of appreciation, for everything we have.